Friends Outgrowing One Another

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by SAVE_ME, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Ummm...I was on MSN tonight and had a conversation with someone I hadn't chatted to in a while. We used to chat fairly frequently but for some reason a few months ago it just stopped. Well, anyway I decided to say "hey" and see what's up and she responded and we talked for about an hour. But the whole time I got the impression that she really just wanted me to f**k off. It felt really uncomfortable and forced for some reason. Maybe for the simple fact that we hadn't talked in a while but I hate it when this sort of thing happens because I always tend to think that I've done something wrong, even if I haven't and believe me I have no clue what it could be. Could we have just outgrown each other? I have a hard enough time thinking it's not me because I've lost enough friends in the past for no reason at all other than they didn't want to associate with me anymore. I try not to say anything that could offend people or anything. It sucks because there's only one person I chat to almost daily now who I don't need to IM first all the time. Hmmm.....guess for some reason people hate me.

    I...really...don't upsets the hell out of me too because it's like this is one friend too many who's done this. One of the reasons I tend to stay away from most forums and rarely post here anymore is fear of rejection, and fear of getting too close to somebody only for that person to decide they don't really like you anymore.

    Maybe I'm reading too much into this? But I did say bye at the end and didn't even get one back. Maybe I should just give up altogether? Man, just when you think you've suffered enough things like this just keep on happening...
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    It does sound to me as though you have just outgrown each other. We are all constantly changing, and even in a couple of months things can change quite dramatically, which is possibly why it feels weird between you now.

    I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you've done something wrong when someone treats you like this, but I'm sure you haven't, and you should try not to instantly blame yourself (I know, easier said than done!). In this case, I think the dynamic of the friendship has changed, possibly even before you stopped chatting regularly, and you now just have nothing in common. However, I do think she didn't have to be so rude, and could have at least said goodbye. Because of this, I think you're much better off without this friendship.

    It's easy to get upset about this sort of thing, but please try not to let it make you paranoid. It happens to lots of people, and not just us on this site, many of my friends have complained of similar things happening all the time. It doesn't mean that anyone hates you.

    I'm going to risk making a suggestion, and I'm sorry if I'm wrong; I only mention it because I know it's why a lot of my friends stopped talking to me. Is it possible that you alienate people because you are depressed? You may not even realise it, but perhaps you are pushing them away, or maybe it's just that they can sense how you feel and don't know how to deal with it. Again, I'm sorry if I'm way off the mark, but as I said, it's what happened to me, and I lost a lot of friends simply because I was just too difficult to be around.

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I understand so many people call themselves friends but in fact they are not
    They are just people surviving the best they can and they eventually move on
    The connection on line here is so how can isay fragile because it is just made through a computer not for real. Some people don't understand the value of a friend so they let one go easily. I now have learned not to get too attached to anyone because i too have seen so many come and go and i can'tstand the pain of loosing yet another so call friend. It is better not to get connected to anyone just be a casual acquaintance okay don't put all your emotions there leave some of those emotions for you okay.
    I think people do outgrow the freindship and it is not a matter of what you did It is just them moving on to a different place
    take care of you okay don't let your thoughts blame you for anything as it probably has nothing to do with you but more to do with them.
  4. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Madam Mim, yes I do think that maybe the reason. These days I try not to show my depression to anyone and just keep it to myself because I fear they will not understand and that it will just drive them away, however even so I still think I give off a bit of a depressed and clingy vibe, like I'm too high maintenance or something.

    I try not to invest too much emotional energy into online friendships but sometimes it's just too difficult not to as I have no real life friends so I fill the gap by going online. I know you've got to be happy in your own skin and comfortable on your own and sometimes I do like being on my own but other times I just get lonely and depressed.

    Sometimes when I'm alone for too long I also get this 'longing' feeling, a 'yearning' to re-connect with all the people, places and things that are no longer in my life. I can be just sat alone reading or watching something and then I see something which reminds me of old times and I think "Oh, I wonder whatever happened to so-and-so" and "I wonder how such-and-such a person is these days? We haven't spoken to each other in ages." And rather than laugh and smile at the good memories I have of those people, it just makes me depressed...sometimes even to the point of crying.

    For someone who's around people 24/7, being alone can be a relieving be able to have that precious time to invest in you and you alone......but for someone who's already alone, damn does it suck :sigh:

    EDIT: lol I just listened to the song "Lost In You" by Three Days Grace kinda by coincidence but it kinda sums up things perfectly.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2010
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