Friend's Suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jason94, May 25, 2011.

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  1. Jason94

    Jason94 New Member

    My best friend Brendan committed suicide 5 years ago. He was 19. His father committed suicide 2 years prior. No one knows why Brendan did this. It was around the time that his father went missing, so I think this may be why. He was drunk when he did it. No one talks about it any more.

    Brendan used to always talk about how lucky he was to have his father for 17 years. He never mentioned depression or sadness or anger. Nothing like that. It seemed like he was at peace.

    Now I find myself constantly fighting with myself. I know that I have the potential to do so many things. But I feel lost.

    It's not because of Brendan, it's because of me. I just wish that he was alive, because then we could hang out and everything would be okay. But he's gone and now I know that everything might not be okay.

    Anyone else out there that feels like this?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    im sorrry you lost your friend suicide affect us so hard the ones left behind I do hope you get to talk to someone about how you are feeling hun i know after my bro left i jst don't seem to have that life in me anymore hugs to you
  3. elementdeckz24

    elementdeckz24 Banned Member

    I'm sorry about the loss or your friend. Your friend will always be in your heart use that as your strength the best you can. Although I most likely shouldn't be giving advice because I never had a close friend before but I wanted to try anyways because you seem cool.
  4. Kandiman

    Kandiman Member

    I completely understand. My brother died twenty years ago this November and every year, on his birthday, I'm practically catatonic. I completely blame myself for his death; my family have learnt not to argue with this, or to attempt any communication with me on the anniversary - I'll be sat by his graveside crying and getting drunk all day and, well, I'm prone to angry outbursts if distracted.

    The hardest thing in the world is to lose someone we love, especially when there's no good reason for them to not be around anymore. Your friend may have found himself in that situation and unable to deal with it and now - though I'm sure he'd never have intended it - he's left you in the same place. You need to break the cycle.

    As far as my brother is concerned, on my good days (And they're rare at the moment. Very rare) I take it upon myself to live two lives, one for each of us. I'm sure that sounds nuts, but it helps. Maybe you can try the same thing? Live a life that you can be proud of and live just a little bit more so that you get to experience the things he missed out on. One day you'll meet again and you can tell him all about them.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I feel this way about my friends death, hence my name..Inmemoryofyou. I just wish that I could have a few minutes to talk to her and tell her some things, she died from a drug overdose, I don't know how,why,what was going through her mind and that kills me, I was one of her very few friends, I should have known and tried to talk to her but I couldnt put 2 and 2 together at the time. :( I miss her more every day and even writing this is painful, I rarely talk about her.
    If you want to chat, feel free to private message me anytime :hug: to you, I hope you find peace x
  6. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    you are very young seems like, or just im a 89 heh... but that feels really sad i dont no how to describe anymore ive lost too many, too much... Im suicidal myself and I keeps running from it(dont ask me why) but there is so much sorrow, sadness I just cant do it, seriously I just want someone to help me, to die. Thats my last one, no more tragedy, I have no siblings, because they chose the life(what the hell That is..)

    Sad story, but true. I have No Where to go... but death is my savior. I really appreciate. But 'you', Im sorry.
  7. Jason94

    Jason94 New Member

    Thank you for the kind words everyone. I wrote this after a night of drinking. I came on here to delete my post, but after reading all of your comments I will leave it on.

    Yah this whole situation was very Sad. Brendan was just kid. He went out drinking with his Army buddies one night and disappeared. I remember my friend calling me on a thusday telling me that he was missing. We went looking in the area around his house that night with no luck. I thought he was stressed or something and decided to visit his g/f out of town . I visited his mom on Friday after class, she thought that he might be at a local park. So I searched that park. Nothing. An hour or so later I got a call from his army buddy saying that they found him in that park. He had shot himself.

    I have been seeing a councilor for a few months. I just totally fell off the wagon last night and binged on junk food and booze. Most of the time I feel really good. Not soo much when I'm drunk. I guess that means that I shouldn't be drinking.

    Thanks again for all of your kind words . I am 24. lol I guess that's young.
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