Friends

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Life is Dead, Jun 24, 2010.

  1. Life is Dead

    Life is Dead Active Member

    From personal experience:

    Aren't "friends" supposed to know you?
    Aren't "friends" supposed to care about you?
    Aren't they supposed to know what you're going through?
    Aren't they supposed to at least attempt to comfort you instead of just leaving you for whomever is "more interesting"?

    This forum... has so many lies intertwined in it. I admit that there are several people here who mean what they say, but...
    Isn't this supposed to MEAN something? This isn't like a "who can collect the most 'friends'"? competition.

    People come here looking for help, and so many people offer to. Then, when things go bad for the individual, how many of those "friends" actually care? How many even know the individual well enough to help?

    This isn't a game. People come here... And people die here...
    The thing is, they rely on you with their lives... So if you're someone's "friend", be a REAL friend and not just a wannabe Samaritan
    I wonder how many people are going to offer to be "friends" now...
    There... I "Let it all out..."
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2010
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Great post.
     
  3. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Umm ok?

    First of all, I've never met anyone on here who was just trying to make "friends" like they are on facebook or something trying to increase their count.

    Secondly, You say people come here to look for help, and then say that you should be someones "friend" not just a "Wanna-be Samaritan" (whatever that is).... Think about it, someone comes on this website because they are depressed and have thought about suicide or are even ready to commit suicide... which means that majoirty of people on this site are depressed/suicidal, you don't see happy people logging into a suicide forum.

    When you have a bunch of people who are suicidal and depressed all in one place, you think they are going to help each other?

    Sorry if I am ranting, but I've tried to help a lot of people on here, but it almost seems like most people only come here to get pity or like being in self-pity rather than actually trying to change their life.

    A lot of people here are healing and fixing their lives, and try and help others on here... but if that other person is not willing to take the advice but rather stay in self-pity or want pity from others, theres not much else a person who is recovering can do...

    As a person who is recovering from depression and fixing my life, I try my best to help others, but if they constantly ignore my advice or don't even bother trying, I don't see a reason to keep listening to their problems, because I don't want to be constantly surrounded by negativity and pessimism as it will just bring me down with them.

    This isn't intended at anyone directly, but I'm speaking more generally, as I find a lot of people on here don't really want "support" or "advice on how to fix their life", but rather pity... which in my opinion is not support but rather just a method of feeding their depression.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2010
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Bleeding hearts will always bite off more than they can chew.

    If friendship to you isn't spamming the hug emoticon to someone than it's not something you'll really come across on here.

    Not to mention this is the internet, hardly a place to find TRUE friends.
     
  5. Life is Dead

    Life is Dead Active Member

    Re:

    Target - Those who say things like "you can talk to me any time" or things like that.
    Obviously, saying it is up to the individual.

    It can happen. Anything can happen with the Internet.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 24, 2010
  6. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Re:

    Well obviously people want to help others, but I'm just saying, keep in mind that everyone on this website has thought about suicide at one point or another and is depressed to some degree. You don't have a bunch of happy people coming on SF trying to help others, you have a bunch of miserable people on here, and some of them recovering that try to help others.

    Sometimes people leave this site for good or don't come on often becuase they are healing and its needed for them to stop being surrounded by negativity. Sometimes listeing to other problems could be a trigger for you if your going through a rough patch...(even if they say they want to help others and are "there" for them).

    I'm just saying, this website isn't really the best place for "support", because 90% of the people on here are depressed and are in the same boat(suicidal to some degree).

    When I first came here, I thought it would be a place for support(real support, a place where people could help you get your life together), but it's not, it's really just a place for people to fill themselves with pity... I myself am recovering from depression and have gotten my life back together this past little while, and I have made some freinds on here that i talk to when i come on, and i try and help others when i can... but if all you want is me to say "hugs" or "I'm so sorry for you" etc... then thats not really support, as i said above, all pity does is feed your depression, and I say that not only from my own experience, but from what I have witnessed on here.
     
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Re:

    Hi,
    I am new here. One thing I can say is this. You cannot rely on people who suffer to save you from your suffering. Is that fair? There is only one man, and one being who can end your suffering and offer you a better life. These people are doing their best to be here for you and each other, but they are limited. They are here for what support they CAN offer, but if you want to overcome, and get out of the rut you are in there is only ONE way I have been shown that can do this. I wrote how in the soap box. Please do not be too harsh with people. They may be giving you all they got, and that is saying something since they do not even give themselves that much. And I am sincere about making many friends. I have so much love and care in me that I feel I can share with anyone. It is not about ME it is about YOU. Do you want a friend? Or do you want someone to share in your misery? I can be your friend, but I am not going to allow you to pull me down. I am going to do my best to life you UP where you belong. Blessings..
     
  8. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Re:

    I'm glad you found religion to help you with your problems... I'm not religous and have found my own way to deal with my problems, so thanks... I also think your going to have a tough time around here as a lot of people on this site don't happen to be religous... but once again, whatever works for you, im glad you found support one way or another.

    I'm also not trying to be rude to the OP, just trying to make him realize, that this place isn't really the best source for support or talking to people to get your life together as most of them are in a hole already... and i stated my reasons above. There are very few people on this site or heck even this in this world that will actually help you sort out your life and help you get your life rolling again, whether it would be through advice or other means... the rest just say "hugs" or "im so sorry to hear this" or other forms of pity which again is really not support.
     
  9. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Re:

    Because it is possible doesn't make it likely.

    Expecting it to happen will set oneself up for a fall.
     
  10. Life is Dead

    Life is Dead Active Member

    Re:

    In closing, sorry for expressing how I feel.
     
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Try and not let people here miminise your feelings.

    Thing is, you'll find this even outside this forum, on the net and offline, when it comes to being honest outside of 'social networking' and BS that is now the main way to interact, especially where there are people who are trying to be saviours/saints to gain brownie points into heaven (or make themselves feel better, or paint a false image of themselves) by throwing a few "kind words" here and there.

    Saying you can't make a true friend on the net is ridiculous, as interacting offline is as difficult for some than online- especially when you're met with groups/games/etiquette/fashion in different places and the friendships formed offline can be vapid, lifeless and full of bullshit and lies. If anything, the net provides some platform for people who have similar passions/interests to communicate in a more straightforward way. That doesn't mean social networking moves and games don't apply, but it's up to the individuals to break down barriers and work on communicating better offline and online, if they want any change.

    I personally consider anyone I talk to here, a friend, in the time we talk. I don't expect much back, maybe because I'm genuinely interested in getting to know that person for a short period of time, and I have a (non bleeding) strong, living heart. A close friend is someone who's consistently showed interest in my health over the years, and respected my space. I only find this out with time. We don't have to be buddy-buddy all the time, and can go through months not talking to each other but that understanding and respect has always been there- and that means the world.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 25, 2010
  12. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member


    I can't make a true friend online, offline or anyline. To say that its ridiculous is borderline offensive. I have tried for most of my life to overcome this isolation I am forced to live in....and this isn't helping any. I didn't ask for this to happen, I didn't want this to happen....but I'm stuck with it.

    There have been a good number of people in here and have wanted to be my friend...and then suddenly disappeared soon after. There is one who pleaded to be my friend and wanted me to open up to her, to then be totally ignored thereafter, presumably because she found someone else better to talk to.

    Are these friends? I seriously don't think so. These are people who do not basically care about anyone other than themselves, because they get some kick out of playing on peoples emotions and pleas for help, come up with some worthless tatty response to make them feel better about themselves (usually inferring religion or some astrological BS) and then vanish without trace and move on to the next sucker, thinking they are somehow "doing good" (but only for thier perspective).

    As a multiple victim of this pesudo-friendshipping, it has made me untrusting, cautious and very guarded about what I tell people and any request for friendship is viewed with skeptisim.
     
  13. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    The difficulty with making friends in a community like this, is that they are by neccessity between two people who are struggling with any number of difficulties in their own lives. Anything beyond a more superficial friendship, which i think some people have identified already in this thread, the :hugtackles: culture as it were, is difficult to sustain, because it is almost inevitable that there will be a clash at some point, an occurance in one or both people which makes sustaining a friendship more difficult. Not that there is not a place for that sort of friendship, sometimes it might just take something simple to be enough of a reprieve from whatever issue someone is facing, to help relieve the pressure of it. But real closeness is far far more difficult. I've been burned before, thats for certain, but i'm also aware i've hurt others.

    The combination of knowing that others hurt me, and that i can hurt others too, makes me find it almost impossible to be friends with someone properly. There is a lot of fear, of abandonment and rejection, but also fear that i would hurt someone else, so have to hold back either way, to protect myself, and to protect other people. I also know i'm not a particularly good friend, for so many reasons, but even with all of that, it does nothing to diminish my desire for being close to people. I guess thats the same with a lot of people, regardless of the hows and whys.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 5, 2010
  14. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    It is hard to find 'true' friends, period.
    Life moves along, people change, people grow up, people move away-- that's it.
    I don't know a single person who is still 'best friends' with someone they were best friends with 10 years ago.

    Instead of focusing on not having a 'true' friend, be happy for any people you have as friends, even if their friendship is only temporary.
    Just because it's not going to last forever doesn't mean they'll stop thinking about you the moment you stop talking to them. You will always be a person that they were friends with at some point in time and someone who shares a memory with them.

    Instead of *not* being friends with anyone-- be a friend to everyone equally.

    I learned that way back in grade 2. No one wanted to be my friend, I was picked on by most of the other kids-- I've never had a 'best friend'. It hurts less if you take everything as it comes and be a friend to every person around you equally rather than hate on specific people and feed drama and whine about how you don't have any friends.
     
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    Mystic- I know what you mean. Those aren't friends, and your feelings are something I share too. What I meant was, ruling out the possibility of finding a genuine person in the world, is like saying- it can't ever be possible because everyone on the net/offline acts ABC. That just isn't the case. I've met a few I admire on here, going through their own difficulties- while replying to others and myself with compassion, insight, and sincerity, say a few words when I'm in pain- which I know are genuine, regardless of how much they are going through. Those people, to me are friends although we might not talk on a regular basis, or disappear. Your experience with members here sound very difficult, that's because- I don't know, some people do leave/ignore/treat you like that for their own reasons, which is pretty distressing seeing as you'd opened up to people and trusted them. How you feel is completely understandable.
     
  16. Chameleon76

    Chameleon76 Well-Known Member

    The kind of friendship you're talking about doesn't happen overnight. "Real" friendships could take years to develope. Most people are lucky if they have even one "real" friend in their life at any given time, and would be lucky if they make more than a handfull in their entire lives.

    To expect to find that kind of friendship from annonymous strangers on a website is setting yourself up for dissapointment I think.