Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Endings, Sep 17, 2014.

  1. Endings

    Endings New Member

    I have been to this horrible place many times in my life. It is so difficult to crawl out of this hole. I have been trying to restart my life for 12 years. It ends up right here...resistance is definitely futile
    The site is a bit confusing. perhaps my brain is so fried it can no longer logically connect to the obvious way to navigate this site
    I cannot purchase a gun b/c in Pa the background checks work. Having been in the hospital for a weekend in 2004 prevented the sale to me. I thought that was providence but then they found an aortic aneurysm in late 2012...this eventually required surgery in late even the recent trends make it hard to justify fighting any longer.
    I am very alone, no family and only 1 real friend to help me. I am literally drained of all energy. It's barely possible to breath. Robin Williams event showed me this is not about money, fame, talent or human contact. It's about this awful place I keep coming back to were the pain is so paralyzing. Unless you've been here it is not possible to describe how paralyzing the pain becomes.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 17, 2014
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey there and welcome, don't worry you will get used to the site. There are a lot of different forums and sub forums such as self harm and gameroom etc.. You will get the hang of the site :)

    I really am sorry you are feeling so down, may I ask what has happened 12 years ago (if you wish to talk about it) ? I do hope you find a lot of support on here. Lots of supportive and friendly folks here, welcome! :) Also, there is a chat room here if you want to talk instantly! Best of luck to you =)
  3. Endings

    Endings New Member

    Thanks for your kind begins to see patterns in one's life. About 12 years ago I moved from Ca to Philly trying to restart my life. I felt very Califonicated after 15 years in SF. The company I started working at fired me 7 weeks after arriving and right after I closed on my home.
    The financial pressures were relieved for a few years but now there is nothing left. I am facing bankrupcy and the loss of my home.
  4. Endings

    Endings New Member

    So to make the sordid tale succinct....I am right back where I was in SF except now I am broke, very alone and with no energy to fight through this overwhelming depression. I have no career because I am 64 and the industry I come from is reaching a dead end. I worked in drug discovery and development. I tried to be an academic at UC berkely and UCSF but found out how hard it is to get an academic path started. I was also totaly unaware of my illness which did little to help