From beyond

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by caspar, May 7, 2015.

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  1. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    I am in such despair right now... I tried to ring my sister but she didn't answer. I have exams in a weeks time, I tried to do an assignment today but didn't even know where to start. I am under such stress and pressure, buried under it. But everyone keeps telling me I will do fine in my exams. I want someone to say I don't have to do them. I went to talk to my lecturer the other day and I cried my eyes out. She just gently touched my knee as I cried, I couldn't even look at her. I'm surrounded by people having a great time and I just feel so gut wrenchingly lonely and want to die. It's the last week of college and no asked me for a night out, I have no friends. I will also be homeless in a months time and don't know where to go. I want to kill myself but I don't want to bring more pain by traumatising my even though I want to do it now...I have to wait a month. I want to jump off a cliff because there will be a high chance my body won't be found...I don't want a funeral, I don't want to be buried. But I will probably be reported missing if I do this and I don't want everyone to know. I don't know what to do, I tell doctors I'm suicidal and they say, see you in a few weeks, no offer of medication even. I don't know how to communicate to people the extremity of the emotional pain I'm experiencing right now. I cry and cry without end. I realise there is nothing anyone can ever do or say to properly help me, which makes it worse.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Caspar if you can print off what you have written here and give it to your doctor ok Just look at what needs to be done today your essay if you need an extension ask for it ok
    everyone gets overwhelmed not just people with an illness everyone so don't feel you are alone in your feelings. If things get too difficult to handle go to hospital and talk to pdoc there who will probably prescribe you some meds
  3. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I may do that...I just want them to tell me that they can help me with this. Cause I just feel like noone can help me now. I need someone to tell me they can do something. I guess what I wrote is like a plan? I'm not sure. It's just I can't really communicate at the moment. People say how are you, are you ok, and I go yeah. Because where do I start? I told a dr a week ago I was in the deepest depair...he just says, ok a nurse will ring you in a few weeks with our recommendations. It's like, some sympathy for my situation would help somewhat? I'm so frustrated and hurt with the whole situation. Every day my feelings get hurt even more, even with small things.

    With the assignment I have no idea what's going on in that particular course to be honest, I'm not sure an extension will help, and I have an exam in in next week too. I'm scared of staring down at an exam paper that makes absolutely no sense.
  4. afterlifepig

    afterlifepig Well-Known Member

    i was in a similar position b4 i went to the hospital. i was taking a statistics course and although doing well at first i started screwing up in it. i had been hearing voices for awhile, having conversations practically, and some other things were going on ... i was very stressed. so i had a psychotic episode and then i went to the hospital. i thought i'd just be there a couple of days but i ended up staying for 6 months.

    although it sucks that i can't own a firearm anymore, and also my meds are worse than useless, i think in other ways it helped me. mainly, i have someone who helps me find work and i have at therapist tho i already had one of those, and the thing that was most helpful to me was a "social rehab" club 4 ppl w/ mental illness that i get to go 2. helps a lot having ppl 2 talk 2. most of them are basically normal and i feel normal when i go there and drink copious amounts of coffee.

    so anyway going to the hospital might help u. b/c i was stuck in the hospital, they refunded me for the class, which was nice. there was a guy who was an injured military vet. who was in the hospital and in danger of becoming homeless ... i just saw him again 2day, apparently he's doing much better since he was at the hospital, now getting the help he needs.

    u probably do not want to spend 6 months in the hospital like i did but u are depressed and suicidal so maybe u could go there and end up just spending a couple weeks there. u can get help w/ ur problem of not having a place 2 live also ... sort of using the hospital to escape from stress until u r able to cope w/ it again. get meds 4 ur depression if u have that. don't like using the hospital like that, as an escape, but u r suicidal ... kind of what it's there 4
  5. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Hey man thanks, I'm also taking a stats course too. Have missed the last two assignments though :( I'd hate to be in the hospital to be honest but honestly I have no idea where to go from here so maybe if it was offered I'd give it a go... Glad you got the help you needed in the end.
  6. caspar

    caspar Well-Known Member

    Saw the doctor...nothing came of it. I really got of my chest about the whole situation, I'm really upset and agitated. It's just like, "good luck with your exams." Thanks for the help? Do they have any understanding how difficult it is to manage my mood right now and exams on top of it? Does anyone actually give a shit?
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