From good to bad.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by bring-a-smile-to-you, Oct 23, 2010.

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  1. bring-a-smile-to-you

    bring-a-smile-to-you Active Member

    Does anyone else know what its like? I've been in and out of school from the age of 6, I first got concelling at the age of 9 where they told me I had OCD and my 'real-live nightmares' as I called them were infact servere panic attacks. I left school at the age of 12 after being bullied for years, I had finally had enough after being beaten up on the first day back at school. I then went into a severe depression, I wouldn't get out of bed at all...and if my parents managed to get me out of bed I'd lay on the settee in a daze. I was seeing my psychiatrist 2 days a week at this point and also going to art therapy. They decided to put me on anti-depressants and I was soon the the highest dose they could give me. Life was shit...this went on for about 3 years, then when I was about 15 I started socializing again, I made friends, and I got close to a guy...I trusted him with everything, I even did things I didn't want to do just to keep him happy, then he betrayed me and put comprimising pictures of me that I didn't realise he had on the internet. This sent me back to square one...I tried to commit suicide for the first time that night...and then a following 3 times after that....things were bad. I was back with the psychiatrist 2 days a week and with some other person too...I hated it. An old friend pulled me through, she new what is was like...she'd been through simular. It's been a year and a half since I last tried to commit suicide, I've been at college and things had been going great, until recently. I don't want to say about things that have happend to make things bad again...mainly because its all to recent and hurts too much but it's sent me back again and I don't know what to do. I'm having horrible mood swings that put my family on edge, I even hit my mum today, I feel so guilty! I was so close to ending it, I had xxxxready...but I can't do it yet. It's my 9 year old brothers 10th birthday a week tomorrow and I've promised I would be a captian at his bowling party. I can't ruin his birthday, it wouldn't be fair. I'm just so confused, I feel like such a horrible person, I'm worthless. I'm no good for the people around me, I just want to end it, but I can't when there is so much going on for my family right now. I need to find the right time to end it, that will be easist for them all but until then...I don't know what to do. How am I meant to cope? I can't tell anyone! :/ And I doubt anyone on here will even understand, I just sound like a pathetic girl. SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2010
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Im sorry you are going through this but i understand the mood swings.
    Are you still seeing a psychiatrist? I know you said you hated it but it seems it helped you. If not can you tell your doctor how you feel?
    You obviously love your family and dont want to be violent towards them so i think you should get the help you need.
    No time will be easy for your family, you are not worthless or a horrible person. You are here seeking advise and trying to get help so you dont hurt them, that makes you a great person in my book
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so glad you are takes so much work to be able to get through bad times, that doesn't necessarily mean you are worse, it means you have new coping strategies that are being tested...there are so many ppl here who relate to what you are say...and NO, you are not worthless or hurt and that changes how we see everything...thank you for sharing and please PM me if I can help in any way...also, continue to tell us how you are doing...we really do care...big hugs, J
  4. bring-a-smile-to-you

    bring-a-smile-to-you Active Member

    Thank you. :) I'm alright today, I've only had one fight so far, so that's got to be good. I feel like a bit of twat for writing the above though, people on here have so much more stuff on than me...I feel like it was a bit selfish to have written that. So, sorry. :D But, thank you for replying. Much love xoxo
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