Does anyone else know what its like? I've been in and out of school from the age of 6, I first got concelling at the age of 9 where they told me I had OCD and my 'real-live nightmares' as I called them were infact servere panic attacks. I left school at the age of 12 after being bullied for years, I had finally had enough after being beaten up on the first day back at school. I then went into a severe depression, I wouldn't get out of bed at all...and if my parents managed to get me out of bed I'd lay on the settee in a daze. I was seeing my psychiatrist 2 days a week at this point and also going to art therapy. They decided to put me on anti-depressants and I was soon the the highest dose they could give me. Life was shit...this went on for about 3 years, then when I was about 15 I started socializing again, I made friends, and I got close to a guy...I trusted him with everything, I even did things I didn't want to do just to keep him happy, then he betrayed me and put comprimising pictures of me that I didn't realise he had on the internet. This sent me back to square one...I tried to commit suicide for the first time that night...and then a following 3 times after that....things were bad. I was back with the psychiatrist 2 days a week and with some other person too...I hated it. An old friend pulled me through, she new what is was like...she'd been through simular. It's been a year and a half since I last tried to commit suicide, I've been at college and things had been going great, until recently. I don't want to say about things that have happend to make things bad again...mainly because its all to recent and hurts too much but it's sent me back again and I don't know what to do. I'm having horrible mood swings that put my family on edge, I even hit my mum today, I feel so guilty! I was so close to ending it, I had xxxxready...but I can't do it yet. It's my 9 year old brothers 10th birthday a week tomorrow and I've promised I would be a captian at his bowling party. I can't ruin his birthday, it wouldn't be fair. I'm just so confused, I feel like such a horrible person, I'm worthless. I'm no good for the people around me, I just want to end it, but I can't when there is so much going on for my family right now. I need to find the right time to end it, that will be easist for them all but until then...I don't know what to do. How am I meant to cope? I can't tell anyone! :/ And I doubt anyone on here will even understand, I just sound like a pathetic girl. SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!