From Me to You

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Bakuryu, Jul 6, 2014.

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  1. Bakuryu

    Bakuryu New Member

    Hi there, you must've stumbled upon my story by the curious title. Who is me? My names Melvin and I am a 21 year-old male. I find it easiest to tell my life thus far as a story to keep my mind stable. To whom may read this, welcome and I am glad to meet your acquaintance.
    is a leaf's only purpose to fall?- Yasuo "League of Legends"
    I was only 7 years-old when I realized my depression and I knew why, but I was afraid of being taken away. Haunted of the feelings sleeping alone knowing I would some day fall to despair. In my efforts to pursue this trek through doubt and misery alone, I forced myself to appreciate the things around me even if they were false hopes. I chose this path for quite awhile because I knew no one would listen. I was young, so who would believe a child who yearns to die because he strongly feels the life style he is tether to is his undoing? Nonetheless, I believed in myself to carry out what measures needed to be taken alone, even if it meant being alone forever. After 7 years passed I brought back my thoughts I held and asked "am I done yet?" I opened my eyes knowingly that there is much to be done and still so much to do. Meditating had to go on most of my time away from school work to help me focus and less time outside. There was never a moment where I could think without noise. It's like a scar that never fades. White noise of my parents discouragements. Behind every encouragement is like a hidden blade behind their back. You would think if a parent wants their child to be successful, they wouldn't need to make slander remarks. However, during one of my moments meditating, I received an epiphany. Perhaps all this suffering may end in a cliche, true love. I was skeptical of the thought, but I gave 4 years a go. I named this event "The Other M" and it was something that made me smile in that long 11 years. When I finally met this sassy, nerdy, ninja I found my purpose. Yet, this happy ending won't come so soon. May 21, 2011 I was suppose to die at 11am before graduation. I was suppose to die because I had not dreamed of a future, but to die. I only felt irresponsible that I would let myself continue to live as a burden. I visited the cliff of my conclusion to part ways of this path, but I knew somewhere inside it would pull me back there and it eventually will. In my time with my soul I tried to mend the lost time and hope for tomorrow as it came until it was time to face music. Because dying is all I know, I can't appreciate my life to the fullest, but through someone's life. Which is why people often ask why I look down or not approach me when I look upset, because those are the only two face I know best.

    June 8th, 2014

    A friend gave me a lift in his vehicle to this park that had a cliff pointing towards the ocean. It was beautiful especially at sunset with the mountains to the left with the sun hanging over them. I stood there thinking as the wind of some storm from the sea crept its way onto land. I continuously kept glancing at my phone of the time while holding onto a bullet wondering if today would be that day. Life did pass on by at a blink of an eye with only 2 minutes spent pondering whether when I did there and now would ultimately be all my story had to tell. I stopped because I would be leaving behind a family I had somewhat planned to have and if I had left then, a friend would have felt responsible for my passing. Even with such incapable parents, I know their struggles through my own.
    With all that I have realized, I lack the motivation. If someone believes that all they can really do is fall, like a leaf, then they are forgetting the currents of the wind. A river that carries, if not all, down it's stream like destiny. In the worst conditions of natural disasters we rebuild. There's still a tree and always a tomorrow if we choose to open our eyes. A tree has multiple purposes, but it's main objective is to sustain and share life.
    Thank you for your time.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi and to say i read your post and i do understand some of what is said welcome to SF
  3. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Hello Melvin, I have read your story and it sounds like you have been through a lot. I hope you find this site helpful and I'm always here for you.
  4. Bakuryu

    Bakuryu New Member

    Thanks. I'm sorry if some parts seem vague. Trying to rewrite events from so far back is strenuous.
  5. Bakuryu

    Bakuryu New Member

    I'm still wandering through here to see what can help me. If I can't sleep, I'll just roam around this site for awhile. Thank you.
  6. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    :welcome: to SF Bakuryu

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