From someone who said things would NEVER get better...

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by catecholamine, Apr 19, 2012.

  1. catecholamine

    catecholamine Well-Known Member

    I can't count how many times I told my therapist or case manager (he's like a social worker) that things would never get better, I would never feel better. We had tried a lot of meds and yet I was always constantly depressed. I didn't have a single day that I didn't want to kill myself for years, not counting the time when I was manic (I have Bipolar 1). I tried to commit suicide in some scary ways multiple times, ending up on a ventilator for days, as well as on kidney dialysis. I also needed a blood transfusion because of all the SH I done and blood I have lost due to it.

    3 weeks ago, I stopped taking my antipsychotic, Geodon. Within 3 days, I was psychotic and having a mixed episode. I wasn't sleeping, was hallucinating, incredibly suicidal, and so on. My case manager was visiting me at home and I harmed myself in front of him. He called the police who took me to the hospital. I was then sent to a mental hospital for 5 days where they put me on a different antidepressant called Effexor. Since a couple days after that, things have started looking up and getting brighter. I wouldn't kill myself now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping up and down because I'm so happy, but life is now bearable. For about 2 weeks, I have not seriously considered killing myself. Prior to this, it's been about 3 years since I've gone this long without seriously considering it.

    It makes me sad to know that some people end their lives without even trying antidepressants or giving enough time to find the right one.

    Coming from someone who always said I'd never feel any better --- there is hope. It just takes time. Just do your best to keep going till a solution is found. I understand how depression is, it makes you not want to do anything, to just throw your hands up and say "screw it, it'll never get better, why bother trying?". But it can get better, trust me, it can. I'm not exactly beaming with joy, but I'm okay. I can now do things I need to do to improve my life, like going back to school, cleaning up and organizing my apartment, and so on. I can do it. It will take time, but I can. I'm not so paralyzed by depression like I was. Its grip has lessened. I'm hoping that, through therapy, I will improve even further. I can now put the effort into it.

    There is hope. Sometimes it is just hard to see it. I'm pulling myself out of my deep hole now, I am proof that it can turn around. You may be thinking "Maybe for her, but not for me". I think everyone who is suffering from depression can get better, it's just a matter of finding HOW. You can do it!

    P.S. If you're having a rough go of it, this book helped me. It is available for free, legally, at that link (in pdf form). It is called "Suicide: The Forever Decision" by Dr. Paul G. Quinnett.
  2. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear it, catecholamine. Congratulations on finally getting out from under and best of luck in staying there. :hug:
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    This is SIMPLY AWESOME to hear your story Cat. I understand the crippling effect of those negative beliefs that nothing can work........ but it ABSOLUTELY CAN!!!!

    It is so wonderful to hear, I wish you every strength, renewed hope and blessings as you build on your new knowledge. So good to hear, well done!
  4. InfiniteLight

    InfiniteLight Member

    You're absolutely right. Go you! :)
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    that was a positive and very uplifting post C.
    I'm so pleased you've found something that works for you .
    I hope others who read this will also find hope..*hug*