Frustrated and angry *trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ShoegazeDaydream, May 19, 2016.

  1. ShoegazeDaydream

    ShoegazeDaydream ~Kid at Heart~

    I'm tired of suffering like I always do, some people ask me if I enjoy doing this to myself. No I don't. I in fact hate it. Pain and misery is all I'm used too. I remember being happy at one point, than things got bad again and now I'm back to being depressed. I ended up with another abusive person and broke up in November.

    When people tell me they care: I don't believe them. When people ignore me: I'm so used to it, yet it still hurts me. I have a dependent issue on people sometimes. I love people and than I go back to hating people cause when people disappoint me I get paranoid and upset. It's not just one person either when I'm angry. I say "people" and I know it makes it look as if I'm pointing fingers at everyone.

    I think I'm mostly angry and disappointed is myself. I allowed people to abuse me and put me down, it's what I'm used too. I'm not used to anything else but abuse and when your mind set is used to something, I realized that I keep letting in abusive people and people that try to hurt me. I'm so paranoid about people and always assuming that people hate me or is talking badly about me. Not used to people being nice to me at all.

    Last night I was so depressed that I came close to cutting myself cause I think I need to punish myself for being so stupid and allowing people to abuse me. In the end I stopped myself.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* The abuse is NEVER your fault.
  3. silis

    silis Active Member

    i just let these people go.
    i had a owner recently, they didnt care much about me, so i just typed them a message, to get some closure, telling them about their issues, and then i just left and cut them out of my life entirely. i dont think they will change, ever. i am dependant on others, as i am just a pet, but id rather be with a owner that cares than just have an owner for the sake of it, and for the sake of having someone in my life. loneliness sucks, but it does give you some distance and time to repair yourself and maybe get someone, professionally trained, to help you see how to fix yourself, and defend yourself from future attacks on your emotions and mentality by strengthening you and making you see how petty others attacks on you are.