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Frustrated and Confused

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by RtistykSyko, Jun 26, 2008.

  1. RtistykSyko

    RtistykSyko Member

    So why is it that when you think you are finally on the right path, that you may finally be seeing some light at the end of the tunnel... everything just goes down the tube? I thought I was doing so well. I had seemed to curb my S.I. habits, I was gaining some equilibrium with my Binging/Purging and over eating. I was enjoying being around people again and well I still don't want to be alive I wasn't actively thinking of ways to kill myself or trying to die... it was more of a passing thought ya know?

    However, last night my younger brother was arrested for possession of pot and Ecstasy at a Dave Mathews concert not to far from my house. His hearing is tomorrow so I don't know what's going to happen but what worries me is that he doesn't seem to care at all! He is facing jail time and a possible ruining of college and a future career and all he wants to do is just go back out there and ignore the world.

    Is it hypocritical of me to think that he should care about his life but I don't give a shit about mine? I don't want him to be stuck where I am. I know how painful it is to live like this, watching the world move and hating it for going on, hating it for being stuck in it and just wishing that I could stop everything and never worry about anything ever again. I want to tell him that I get it! I understand the feelings of wanting to give up and just give the world a g

    I just want to cut myself right now and I'm trying so hard to resist the urge to do anything. I went for a run earlier to try to expand some energy but I just have this need to eat, or cut, or purge or do something to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings, I just want to feel numb or empty. I don't want to feel this intensity...

    So I figured I'd reach out and see if anyone would be willing to help me figure out something to do. I still have to work tomorrow and all this weekend. I waitress so I'm going to have to appear happy and cheerful and nice to all the customers but I'm so not in the mood :sad: I wish I could take the rest of the week off but my bills are due on for the end of the month and the beginning of the next month...

    God, I really just .... ::sigh:: ... I'm sure people can relate and so I would greatly appreciate any support or help offered. Thanks for listening.
  2. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Sorry I just saw this post (two days later) I wish I would have seen it sooner. Well, maybe not (I've been really depressed and all). I totally understand about feeling like everything was going great and then you crash and burn. I've been there far too often. As for your brother, well, I don't know what to say, all I can say is I've been there. With my older brother. We went through this huge ordeal and he's better now, after being in jail for a while and then on house arrest. He's starting to slip again and he moved away and so I don't know how to help him but anyway, about you. Have you tried just going for a walk or doing something to totally distract your mind from self-harming? I've just learned that doing something that takes all of your concentration helps. . . a lot. Like maybe try listening to music that will cheer you up instead of bring you further down or maybe read a really good book. I don't really know what kind of stuff you like to do, but maybe you should try (if it's not destructive). I really hope the best for you since it sounds as if you're having a lot of trouble and you can PM me anytime you just need someone to listen :hug:.

    Best of luck to you :smile:,
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    All I can say is that you are in my thoughts and prayers and that you do not hurt yourself over something like this...it will not change what has happened! please PM me if I can help in anyway...big hugs, J
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    sorry to hear that things have gone downhill for ya. as far as your brother is concerned i wouldn't worry too much about it. it's his problem and personally i think it's kind of cool he's not totally lettin' this break him down.

    i really hope you will continue to hang in there. fight the good fight. i'm here to tell ya it really is worth it. i totally must commend you for not cuttin' and givin' in to all those urges. that is awesome. stick with the healthy things.

    please just continue to hang in there and take care please. with the biggest please, please please stay safe.

    please continue to vent to. we will always do our best to support you.
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's tough situation to be in but there isn't much you can do for your brother but be there when he needs you.