So why is it that when you think you are finally on the right path, that you may finally be seeing some light at the end of the tunnel... everything just goes down the tube? I thought I was doing so well. I had seemed to curb my S.I. habits, I was gaining some equilibrium with my Binging/Purging and over eating. I was enjoying being around people again and well I still don't want to be alive I wasn't actively thinking of ways to kill myself or trying to die... it was more of a passing thought ya know? However, last night my younger brother was arrested for possession of pot and Ecstasy at a Dave Mathews concert not to far from my house. His hearing is tomorrow so I don't know what's going to happen but what worries me is that he doesn't seem to care at all! He is facing jail time and a possible ruining of college and a future career and all he wants to do is just go back out there and ignore the world. Is it hypocritical of me to think that he should care about his life but I don't give a shit about mine? I don't want him to be stuck where I am. I know how painful it is to live like this, watching the world move and hating it for going on, hating it for being stuck in it and just wishing that I could stop everything and never worry about anything ever again. I want to tell him that I get it! I understand the feelings of wanting to give up and just give the world a g I just want to cut myself right now and I'm trying so hard to resist the urge to do anything. I went for a run earlier to try to expand some energy but I just have this need to eat, or cut, or purge or do something to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings, I just want to feel numb or empty. I don't want to feel this intensity... So I figured I'd reach out and see if anyone would be willing to help me figure out something to do. I still have to work tomorrow and all this weekend. I waitress so I'm going to have to appear happy and cheerful and nice to all the customers but I'm so not in the mood :sad: I wish I could take the rest of the week off but my bills are due on for the end of the month and the beginning of the next month... God, I really just .... ::sigh:: ... I'm sure people can relate and so I would greatly appreciate any support or help offered. Thanks for listening.