frustrated and overhwlemed and now pisssed

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, May 10, 2015.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I just made a thread talking about all this shit that I've been delaing with. I hit submit new thread and it didn't go through. I had to re login or something. I am so sick of stupid shit happening in my life. I am tired of the hurt both past and present and I am sick of all the hurt being "up to me" to deal with. NO IT ISN'T!!!! I am repsonsible how I deal with things, yes...I know that. But I will be goddamned if I supposed to only blame myself for all the bullshit that I have endured form others over the years. I'm talking about the bullying and rejections and just other types of bullshit that doesn't all makes sense to me why it all happened. I had someone say to me once that what you do affects others. it's true but do you know why this asshole said it to me? He said it to guilt trip me into not moving forward with my education at the time. According to him, I wasn't thinking about my family, which is funny, because a) they didn't seem to care that I was transferring schools and b) he never spoke to them.

    What he said, was true though...the reason why it pissed me off is because that same guy when I opened up to him about my hurts at the time dismissed everything with "what's done is done" and and "those people have moved on" and yet when I tried to move on and better myself, that makes me selfish or something. Well I'm sick of that one sided bullshit. It's like it's okay for others to hurt me and cross that line but I have to follow some lopsided rules in life that only apply to me apparently. I got hurt by someone six years ago and it still doesn't make sense as to what exactly I did wrong. Maybe I did deserve beign rejected by her, but the way she did it was so harsh and confusing. I wanted to take my life and even though some things have happened in my life to feel somewhat hopeful...sometimes i wish I would have went through with it.

    I am so sick of being told to appreciate what I have in life....no, sometimes it's too much and soemtimes I just can't deal with it all, like right now. I know I am being selfish and know that this is a huge rambling mess....the one I wrote before was no better, but this time i am really furstrated. I am trying to be grateful for thigns like having one year of sobriety and at least soem stability in my life due to it. But I am not happy and the pain and wounds of the past have and probably never will heal at this point. Sorry for rambling like this. i'll stop here.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do not think you are unjustified in your feelings at all. The "let the past be the past" applies to all parties and sounds very much like some people in your life are forgetting that. I also agree that while we all bear some responsibility for what is going on in our lives that does not mean everything is our "fault" either. Sometimes just plain shitty things happen and it is not our fault that it happens.

    Being selfish and looking out for your own best interest is not automatically a bad thing. If people all claim they want you to be independent and able to take care of self and deal with things yourself then at some point you need to be able to make decisions based only on what it will do to help you and without regard for hurting some feelings or making things more difficult for others. Too often people say they want you to change and do all these things, but they really only mean they want you to change the things that are inconvenient to them while still being there to do all the things that you always have done and they refused to give you credit for. That is not the way life works and I am glad you are realizing that you are not responsible for everything and are refusing to let feeling guilty for things that maybe you should have done differently prevent you from doing things you need to do to get a better life and feel better now.

    You have taken responsibility for things you did wrong I believe from following your posts for a few years now, no need to take blame for things that are not your fault. And just feeling like shit sometimes about things is not a sin, we are all entitled to bad days. It is from these feelings we find motivation and strength to continue with the hard choices needed to make life better and the fact is when you are feeling better you will be more able to positively influence those around you. If i takes some "selfish choices" to do that then you are entitle and I do not believe it is selfish to want to understand things and to realize not everything is your fault (no matter how convenient it would be for others to have that be the case).

    You deserve a little compassion and you deserve for others to take the same responsibility for their actions as they have asked you to take on. While we seldom get everything we deserve at the least you should not be made to feel worse for realizing you do deserve it.
     
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I will try to keep what you said in mind in the days to come this week.
     
  4. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    It really is a drag when people don't get what they deserve. It certainly is hard to appreciate one's life when there's not much to appreciate, sometimes things just get really shitty and there's not much to be done about it. Cling onto hope; Believe that you deserve better, and keep struggling through every day to get closer to your happiness and other goals. The longer you put up with things, you're potentially closer to a better future. Don't let others ruin your mood, people who treat you badly aren't worth anything and you shouldn't take anything they say or do to you to heart.

    It's hard, especially if you're sensitive, to put up with people's shit, but if we keep working at it I'm sure we'll get better at it!

    The past, it's not something you can ever escape completely, but you can make it less prominent if you can bury it beneath new memories. It will hurt less as time goes on, I can assure you- as new memories are made every day. A painful past doesn't always only bring pain: it can make new sweet memories even sweeter because of the contrast they have with your past. It's like how if you were only eating bitter foods for a long time, and then you have a candy- it will taste so much more powerful than it normally would.

    As for the topic of love and rejection, focus on your own happiness before you start looking for a partner. A healthy relationship is built when two people who are already happy with themselves can get together, and from what I've seen, things tend to just fall apart when they were not happy to begin with. Chances are you'll find someone! so try to remain positive and wait patiently for that person to come along.

    Hope I helped, although most of what I said sounded like a cheesy motivational speech or something, hah. Best of luck! ^^
     
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    thank you. Your words helped a bit. As far as love goes...for too long it has been a frustration and conflict in my life. So many rejections and the last one being the most painful as it's lasted for six years now. I know that's pathetic, but yeah. I'm not saying that having someone will make me completely whole or totally happy, but I am so tired of watching other people have this thing called love and acceptance in their lives and it doesn't seem to be that they have "all their shit together" to have it either. I just feel like there is this standard that I will never be able to meet in order to find those thigns I desire.

    I'm sorry for being negative, but it's just hard to see any real good ever coming into my life and staying.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am really sorry for what you are going through. You have been given great advice. I just wanted to tell you to remember to tick the 'remember me' box when logging in so that you do not lose future posts.

    P.S Bullies are cowards!!! You will be a far better person than they will ever be.
     
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