Frustrated with life and... online dating

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by just_some_guy, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. just_some_guy

    just_some_guy Member

    I finally had my first date using eHarmony. That was about two weeks ago now. Although she originally said we'd go on a second date, she has stopped responding to my messages, and she closed the match on eHarmony.

    That was my first date in over a year too. Meanwhile, I've pretty much given up hope on OKCupid. It doesn't seem to matter how much effort I put into OKC. I think it's fairly cleverly written, but no one ever visits to see what I've written!

    When I wrote messages to women using OKC, I took the time to read their profiles and write thoughtful messages (I've never used the copy/paste approach to messaging), but my messages were either ignored entirely or they'd write back and say not interested.

    I'm still actively using eHarmony, but my hope is waning there too. I also regularly check the Meetup.com events for singles, but the calendar is surprisingly sparse.

    I'm so tired of being alone! :-(
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You had a date - just because did not go as well as hoped does not mean was waste of time- was a date - look to the positives. If OKDC is not working focaus energies on where it did have results and maybe get another. If it takes another 2 weeks or month even then that is 2 dates in 6 weeks after none in over a year- that is a HUGE improvement.

    Online dating is not easy for anybody- and for a guy you will always get 50 no responses for every "sorry not interested" and 5 "sorry not interested" for every date or person that actually talks- is just how it is. These are not failures- it is letting you take peopel off the list so instead of 3000 peopel left to go through is only 2950 more, so are making progress. While I am sure would be happier and nicer if first date turned into a long term relationship that is really not very realistic and would require tremendous luck. It is hard to stay patient but you had some results so have not failed at all!! Give yourself credit and be thankful that had that date and take that positive energy into looking for another date :)

    It is very hard to be patient and it is easy to focus on the rejection - but try really hard to keep your eyes on the success-if talking to other peopel online "Had a nice date, but was not the right person" because clearly was not instead of bemoaning the lack of replies. If a woman does reply talk about the fact have had dates from there and gotten replies raher than "are first person to reply in weeks" - staying focused on the positives makes you come across as somebody worth talking to (and could be you do all these things and very well- if so kudos- i am sure you will have more success. More dates will come- have confidence in yourself- you have already proven you can do it!
     
  3. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Hey justsomeguy, congrats on having a date! It didn't work out, but it's great that you put yourself out there. For men, online dating is extremely competitive, lots more guys going after less women. Maybe your profile just needs to be tweaked, have a female friend take photos and look over your profile for you, I helped my friends with theirs and it can make a huge difference. Also, don't put too much pressure on yourself, just try to enjoy meeting different people and let it go from there.

    Meetup is a great option too maybe even better. Don't worry about singles events, just check out whatever interests you have, it's more casual, less pressure, I've dated some people and made friends from events. Your area seems like a nice place, I'm sure there must be nice walking, hiking, museum, board game, book club, sports groups, etc. Good luck!
     
  4. just_some_guy

    just_some_guy Member

    It's funny you say this... I did just post a new primary photo to my OKC profile yesterday. In fact, I posted it during "rush hour." No one noticed.

    I think I have a pretty good profile, but it doesn't matter what I write because no one ever reads it. That's what's so frustrating! :-(