For many years, I have struggled to have a social life. I didn't fit in very well in school and as an adult, it has become just as difficult. Being socially awkward is one of the reasons why I turned to drinking...as well as wanting to take my life when it just got too painful. i've mentioned in a few other posts here that I have ove ra year of sobriety now. I am glad that I don't have to turn to alcohol anymore to numb the emotional pain. However, I still struggle with connecting with people. It is very frustrating. It's not that I don't want to talk to people (well sometimes I kind of don't) but it's just hard to make even simple conversation with others somtimes. It's worse when people tell me this.....like they will say something along rthe lines, "when someone asked you something, you said a couple of of words and that's it! People will get the vibe that you don't want to be bothered." And you know what? I get it....but what others don't get is that a) it is REALLY hard for me to open up and socialize on a "normal' level like others and b) I have been hurt and I know that sounds like an excuse, but the way that I have been rejected and put down makes it very difficult to put myself out there. But lately, it has really been bothering me. Everyone from my AA sponsor to a support system at this church I go to, to coworkers point this out, despite my best efforts to open up more, which seem to be in vain. Worse, I sort of started talking to a girl online and we started texting which was not easy for me to do. I often found myself being really nervous awhen texting and waiting till bedtime to say something. She got the vibe that I wasn't interested at all in her but that wasn't true. I couldn't tell her about the depression or the rejections because I kow that could probably turn her off for sure. Anyway, I don't know if I explained all this right and maybe it's not much of a crisis, but it's something that is really overwhelming my life right now. I used to drink to deal with this kind of stuff, but i don't think that will help things. Anyway, sorry for rambling.