I'm 47, I've struggled with depression since I was 16 or 18. My trouble isn't so much as I want to kill myself as it is I don't want to live. My latest trouble started just over 2 yrs ago when my wife and I took custody of our 2 grand sons. At the time the oldest was 2 1/2 years old and the youngest was 7 weeks old. We took custody because the baby had 5 broken ribs which the father admitted to. This was a major life change for us as my youngest child was 17 and to have to go back to changing diapers again was a challange but we did it. We delt with the state and visits for both parents until my daughter was finally allowed to move in with us. During the 8 months it took to get my daughter back with her boys she had a taste of freedom and didn't want to be a mom any more, but we thought that would change. It didn't... My daughter and wife started drinking until I had finally had enough. On new years day my wife moved out, my friends moved away and it was only my son who stood by my side. My daughter and her boys still lived in my house, but never spoke to me as she was mad about the split between my wife and I. A year ago I was alone and feeling the emptyness of the 5 br house so I took inventory of all the pills in the house. I had seen my doctor and had just started taking meds for anxeity and depression along with something to help me sleep. Feb 6th 2009 I crashed. I went for a drive and ended up at my doctors office. They wanted to admit me but I had done enough studing to know what to say to them to avoid that, but I did start seeing a counselor. Jump ahead 2 months things are going ok, my pills are all locked up so I can't get them and I crash again, this time I move to OTC meds. I looked to see what the fatal dose was and started to take that over a few hours. again they wanted to lock me up, but didn't. July my daughter moved out, my wife moved back in and my health got better, until aug 2009 when my daughter couldn't handle her boys and they moved back in with us, then in Nov she moved in with us as well. I know find myself right back where I was last year even though I'm well medicated. I came here looking for someplace to yell and scream when I need to and not have to worry about who is reading what I'm really feeling.