The title says it all. Just not sure this is worth the fight anymore. I've left my psychiatrist appointment this morning feeling worse. I didn't take the mood stabiliser he prescribed last time. I felt like it would be admitting that there was something really wrong. I have no problem with the anti depressants but to add more... It's getting to serious. Sometimes i feel fine, the next suicidal. I guess that's the problem. But it makes me reluctant to take more pills. He says it's not a clear cut case of depression. But then i don't get any of the highs of bipolar. So basically he doesn't know what the hell is wrong. I am not sure i want to know either. I have a few people around me at the moment but i still feel alone. I feel poisonous. Toxic. It's only a matter of time before they leave and i can't handle any more abandonment. So then i hurt them before they hurt me. The most beautiful people i have ever known who deserve nothing but love and respect. It's all so self destructive. It's all so predictable and still i let it happen. I have no control. No matter what happens my mind jumps straight to suicide as an option. Nothing really means anything anymore. Or maybe it all means too much. I don't even know what i am talking about. I just want all this to end.