frustration

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Puzzled, May 27, 2008.

  1. Puzzled

    Puzzled Member

    I'm sure this is a familiar feeling to everyone, I want to get the most help out of this as possible, so allow me to introduce myself.

    My name is Alex, I'm a junior at my high school, in middle and elementary school I was the kid everyone bullied, I'd cry myself to sleep at night a lot, and had barely any friends. My dream was always to have someone to love me, I mean, my family has always been supportive and nice (until high school...), but sometimes you need something beyond that you know? Well, back to the topic. After middle school, I made more friends, kids grew up and stopped bullying me. I got away from who I used to be, I found a love in music and began playing guitar. Well, that was around my freshman year, now I'm a lot older, I had the first relationship that I had been driving myself crazy for, and I experienced everything I wanted to, first kiss, love, and sex. Turns out the girl was psychotic, she got in the way of everything else I loved, my friends, music, my entire life. Finally she got violent and I ended it without anybad feelings.

    Currently, I'm with my second girlfriend, I play lead guitar in 2 bands, started writing my first song.....

    .... and I'm completely miserable.

    Before you assume the obvious, I am completely over my ex, she continued being a pain to me for months after the breakup, and constantly called me at 1 in the morning. I feel a little bad I broke her heart of course... but she still goes really far to this day.

    The reason I'm miserable is my new girlfriend, I love her, I've never loved anyone like her before. She is literally everything I have ever wanted in a girl. She's funny, nice, shares the same taste in music as me, and the love for playing it, and shes always happy.

    The reason I'm unhappy is I think she doesn't feel the same at all about me. And it isn't simple paranoia either. She was always extremely closed off with me, never liked to talk to me about what she felt. And recently, last week in fact, she told me exactly what I feared the day after I took her to prom. She told me she just didn't feel the same she felt about me at the beginning, and she wanted a break. I drove myself insane for a week. I love this girl more than any other girl I've ever met. And I felt as though she manipulated me, she apparently felt it for weeks before prom. I felt angry, and suicidally depressed. I concocted plans to win her back, such as writing my first song ever for her, to show her how she inspires me. Finally, I called her on thursday since she never called me, she then told me she still loved me, she still missed me, she just needs a break, shes been having problems with her father and school, she said we'd be back together at the end of the school year. She ended the conversation with an i love you, and I felt better... a little.

    That night me and my best friend wrote our first song, and I wrote the lyrics about how I felt for that week, and the relief when she turned me around, I plan to have it completely done and recorded in a few weeks.

    My friends assured me a break usually doesn't work, they've all seen it fall apart. I grew a little paranoid, I checked her myspace comments through a little firefox trick, she usually kept them hidden, what I saw scared me to death, two guys posting comments on her profile, one stating they hung out, and it would be more fun if they did things next time, the other having a conversation with her that seemed like how she first contacted me. I want to know she isn't cheating, but I can't confront her or she'd know I was doing a bit of snooping, and I want to believe she loves me. I'm going to go crazy waiting for the break to end. I need to know what I should do, I can't break it off with this girl, I'd go insane with guilt and a feeling of complete stupidity, not a great thing to do when finals and SATs are coming up. What should I do to find out if she still loves me?

    She doesn't want me calling her, it makes her feel bad about what she did the day after prom, but I can always talk on AIM, what should I do?
     
  2. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Hi Puzzled

    Its an unfortunate time in ur education to be in this situation with regard to your girlfriend / the break etc.

    In my experience hun u just have to ride this storm and see how it goes , love at your age is some of the most painful that I do remember .

    Obviously as uve stumbled across some 'information' I think its fair to say the break doesn't look too promising .

    If u can hun throw urself into ur studies they will help u map out the rest of ur days .

    Keep an open mind re this 'break' , but dont be used hun . Make sure some of this is on ur terms even tho it hurts sometimes , for example if there is no sign of the break coming to an end and u feel unhappy bout it make sure u say so . Maybe shes not sure where shes at either believe me hun this may hurt u both but actually ur exams are so important so try to relax as hard as that is.

    Good Luck and tc

    Patacake
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 27, 2008
  3. Puzzled

    Puzzled Member

    Thanks, I'm gonna wait out at least the school year, maybe all the exams as well, but if it keeps going on I may just have no choice but to end it.