Fuck Dude

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mya, Oct 25, 2010.

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  1. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    i have been coming to this site off and on for 4 years now... and it has helped alot... some of you may remember me... others may want to get to know me but the long and the short of it is... im not ok... i just got done reading old posts i made and i realized the only thing that has changed in the past four years is were i am living and my disorders have been getting worse i am a diagnosed bipolar with phycotic episodes. skitziphrinia, and mild paranoia with ocd tendencys... my skitziphrinia has been getting worse lately and my depression is killing me. i cut for the first time in 6 months about a week ago and every sence then (and even before then) things have been getting harder and harder i just got my birth certificate now i need to get thirty dollars to get an id... i just got off the streets but things are almost worse now than they were when i was. im in southern callifornia now with my boyfriend and we are fighting alot (he is a leo im a tourus) and my disorders are at the point were i can not function through day to day life without freeking out at least three times. im snaping and im scared...i dont know how to help myself i cant get the meds i need cuz there way to expencive and i cant get any help untill i have an id i cant hold a job because just going to the store is getting difficult for me... i dont get online often anymore because its to hard to go to the library more than once in a while cuz theres to many people... around me. and im angry all the time... i dont think im ever going to be happy and that this is going to keep getting worse and worse and i dont know what to do anymore...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2010
  2. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Ehm... at least you live in south California. :)
     
  3. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    it sucks here everyone is focused on how much you make and what cloths you wear... and sex... and booze... thats all its about here... i feel alone...
     
  4. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Same here (Slovenia, East EU). Plus we have communist mafia on government (again), economy is collapsing, fewer and fewer babies get born every year, and it's damn cold outside.

    All i want is eternal sleep under a palm tree in south California :smile:
     
  5. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    i just dont think its worth it anymore im so tired of waitingg for that day that everyone keeps saying will come and things will get better... they dont... they just get worse and worse... im tired... of fakeing that im ok... when im verry much not...
     
  6. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    On Suicide Forum you don't need to fake you're OK. And yes, things get worse and worse. But perhaps some little tiny happy times still await you, before you die from disease or car crash or whatever. Worth give it a shot?
     
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I bet things could get a lot better if you get on meds. I can't imagine that they would keep you from getting help just because you don't have an id, are you sure that's right?

    I hope that you can get help soon!
     
  8. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I used to suffer from bipolar. I know what it was like. It was war..the type of war you never feel your going to win. One side of me wanted one thing, but the other side of me sabotoged it all the time. I freaked out frequently and I used to hit my ex's a lot. But there is hope I found it and although some people do not believe me, the people that actually know me in this world and how I used to be to who I am cannot deny the truth. They are truly my witnesses. I'm glad you are off the street. It will be a struggle to either stay off it or to go back because it is all you know, but let me assure you that getting off them is a great step into the RIGHT direction. If you have to get rid of the dude. I would take some me time and soul search and make a choice. Is that the life you truly want and if not are you willing to give it up for the unknown and to trust that it is the right thing to do? I did sister and let me tell you, I praise Yahweh every night and day that I had. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings..
     
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