well now est has either logged off msn or is just ignoring me, or maybe she's blocked me. and of course i can't get into chat, to talk to her there, she'll probably kill herself, then i really will have learned my lesson for insulting the mods. est you <Mod Edit: Abacus21-insulting>, i could save your life, and in the process spare so many people so much pain. I could do this if you'd just fucking let me. But no, you have 2 very simple choices 1. Get better, almost completely stop hurting people, do a lot of good in the world, make up for your past mistakes, and for the occasional times when you slip up. Live a happy life, and enjoy it. Learn to love yourself again, and to actually want to be happy. 2. Kill yourself, thinking that this will solve your problems, you will hurt at least 50 people doing this. Vikki probably won't be able to cope and will kill herself, this will hurt even more people. The rest of us will probably survive tho be really hurt and saddened. then every anniversary of your death you'll hurt us all again, and on your birthday every year. Every holiday we will think about you and it will hurt us. Every time any one else dies, we will think of you, if there is an after life, if you are happy, it will hurt us again. We will learn to live with the pain of your loss, but we will never get over it, and will continue to hurt us, over and over and over again, for our entire lives. Every time we're depressed we'll probably hurt someone else, who might hurt someone else. If any of us have children, it will damage their up bringing and they will become social outcasts, probably depressed themselves. All this pain, tons and tons, thousands of people hurt, because you refuse to do a little bit of work to get better, and live a perfect life in paradise. and you know what, if you really think you don't deserve it, how about a life worse that death, i could give you that too if that's what you want. mods pretty please leave this alone, at least until she's seen it, it's important.