I met with my psychiatrist this morning and he wants me to go back into treatment for my ED. I don't want to, I don't think it will help at all. I am so angry, I feel like everyone is abandoning me. I already feel so damn alone, now I just feel worse. I really think I am going to hurt myself just because I am so pissed and I just don't care anymore. I thought everything was going ok in therapy and now he drops this bomb on me. What the hell? It's so easy for him to sit there and tell me what he thinks I should do, fuck him. He doesn't deal with what I deal with, he has no fucking clue. God, why do I trust people at all? Why do I always end up getting hurt? Why can't I get it through anyone's head that I am hurting so much, and it has nothing to do with food or weight. Why won't anyone help me deal with the real issue? Probably because I was right about me, I am a worthless piece of shit who doesn't deserve help or love or anything good. It must be true, because how else do I explain the same end result happening over and over and over again. I wish my eating disorder would kill me, at least then I wouldn't have to. Then they would all be right, and wouldn't that just be grand. I feel like such a disgusting and vile excuse for a human being right now. I feel like someone punched me in the face. I feel like punching someone in the face. I am so angry!!! And I am so alone. fuck.