this is totally not how i wanted my freshman year to go. highschool is supposed to be awesome. you're supposed to make new friends and find out who you are. fuck all that. i lost more friends than i've made this year so far and it's only november. i know who i am, i know how i want to be. i'm trying to be a better person, but all my ex-friends don't get that i can't go from heartless bitch to the most caring person in the world(which won't happen anyways) overnight. i'm supposed to be having fun. if sitting home on friday nights crying my eyes out with a blade to my wrist is fun, football games with friends must be fucking orgasmic. i've broken more promises i've kept for a year than one's i've made since september. i've kept cutting, i've stopped eating, i'm running almost complusively. i've lost fifteen pounds in like a month. i'm so sick of people acting like i'm some sort of pesticide trying to kill them cause i want to die. fuck them. fuck this world. i'm fucking done.