=Potential Self-Harm Triggers Ahead=
Top of my list of fears is needles, or at least I call it needles as its easier to say, what I'm really afraid of is anything which can cut through my skin like butter, so not just needles, but sharp knives.
I am perfectly comfortable around needles and knives, but as soon as someone intends to stick me with one for any reason, i freeze up, and that pathetic phobia is the only reason I havent cut myself to ribbons, even with that fear I do have several faint scars all over my left arm but I have always been too afraid of the knife to cut myself deeply even though thats all I bloody wanted to do.
Its doubly pathetic, not only am I too weak to cope without a level of self-hatred which leads me to harm myself, but im too weak to even do it properly for fuck sake! The best I can do is <mod edit - method>
Before anyone worries, I'm not suicidal, I decided in university that suicide wasn't an option (after giving it serious thought) but its just so pathetic that the thing stopping me from hurting myself isnt strength, but just another weakness that I hate about myself.
Top of my list of fears is needles, or at least I call it needles as its easier to say, what I'm really afraid of is anything which can cut through my skin like butter, so not just needles, but sharp knives.
I am perfectly comfortable around needles and knives, but as soon as someone intends to stick me with one for any reason, i freeze up, and that pathetic phobia is the only reason I havent cut myself to ribbons, even with that fear I do have several faint scars all over my left arm but I have always been too afraid of the knife to cut myself deeply even though thats all I bloody wanted to do.
Its doubly pathetic, not only am I too weak to cope without a level of self-hatred which leads me to harm myself, but im too weak to even do it properly for fuck sake! The best I can do is <mod edit - method>
Before anyone worries, I'm not suicidal, I decided in university that suicide wasn't an option (after giving it serious thought) but its just so pathetic that the thing stopping me from hurting myself isnt strength, but just another weakness that I hate about myself.
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