I am a god damn asshole to people sometimes and that doesnt sit well with me. I dont like upsetting people but at the same time i dont like being ignored. Its a catch 22 situation and i fucking hate myself for it. I get jealous and paranoid and angry and god knows what else all at the same time. i dont like feeling like this at all. I just want people to be straight with me i guess. I had an amazing weekend with an amazing person and its like i cant say anything because it will upset people. I over analyse things when i know i shouldnt. Things i wanna say i cant because i will upset someone. I want my brain to stop thinking. I just wanna enjoy this feeling. Im happy but im guilty and i hate that. Why should i be guilty after all thats happened, but yet guilty i remain.