fuck it im out of here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Feb 2, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i guess this is my goodbye letter, i know poeple are trying to support me but heres the thing. it took me almost a month to trust my friend whom i ve lost to suicide, a whole month. i dont trust just anybody and am VERY picky about who i do and who i feel comfortable talking too. i am conveinced now that i had lost my soulmate, lost any good feeling i had, and lost the person whom ive trusted most. life is not worth living, and i wanna go. i want to leave, i hate my goddamn life. i figure ill have a couple of beers because holding a gun to your head takes a lot of courage. by the time im wasted i wont even fuckign care anymore. im sorry but when i hear someone cares for me and loves me its just not the same, because ive always been VRY VERY picky about whom i trust, and i tend to not believe someone if i dont trust them. ive always been this hard to reach, this is why i always kept everything bottled up, and EVRYTHIGN went away yesterdy, so as i always say, fuck it.
     
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Sweetie... Agnes obviously didn't want you to make the decision to take your life. She wanted you to try everything possible to get better. If she decided to leave that doesn't mean that you have to. Your life is so precious. I know it can seem impossible sometimes and opening up to people can be difficult. A lot of people here have felt the same way. If you need to talk I will listen and give you the best adive i can think of. I'll be your friend. Agnes holds a special place in your heart but you can keep on living. If you can just try to open up to someone who can help you a little. Please believe me. Things can get better. But I know it seems like they can't. And if you do choose to kill yourself I do hope you find peace. But if you try to talk to someone else at least you can say that you did that much more to try to keep on going. If you decide you want to talk, please PM me. Take care!! *hugs*
     
  3. kitai16

    kitai16 Well-Known Member

    I wish I could say something that would make things better for you... but I honestly know how you feel... and it would be selfish of me to ask you to stay... I want you to get help and continue living, but I know I can't change your mind...

    Whatever you do choose in the end... I hope you find the happiness and/or peace that you're looking for...
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    angel, i had a good friend kill himself about five years ago. my heart was broken, much as yours is right now. what hurt the most was that it seemed that he left this world alone, not remembering how much we all loved him.

    he was a talented artist and musician and i think about him everyday. he'd been married less than six months when he took his life.

    i tell you about him, because what i took from the experience is a deep conviction that depression is a sneaky liar. depression clouds out all the good memories and leaves us with all this self-hatred and loneliness. in that condition, feeling so alone, suicide seems like a pretty good solution.

    i swore then and there that i would fight depression if it ever entered my life again. and here it is, back with me, but this time i'm fighting. i hang on to the belief that it is the depression that tells me such cruel things about myself, because i remember my friend. he thought he was alone and unloved, but he was not. you might be feeling alone and unloved right now, too. but you are not.

    please don't do anything. i promise you that the intensity of this pain will pass. you can and will feel better, although i know you probably don't believe me. you might be tired, but don't give up,

    catherine
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Oh God Angel. Thank you for posting your final conversation with Agnes, even though it was very difficult for me to read. My eyes are filling up with tears as I read it. I tried my best to save her, I really did, but no matter what I said, her decision was already made up. That's what she was trying to tell you. Thank you for trying so hard to save her.

    Losing your soulmate must be the hardest thing in the world to deal with and I'm very sorry that she chose to do that to you. But your life isn't over Angel. Agnes asked you to keep on living and I think that you should honour her last wishes. She will always be with you Angel in spirit form. She was truly a wonderful person and she will be missed. And if you two really are soulmates then one day you will be reunited.
     
  6. kitai16

    kitai16 Well-Known Member

    I just wanted to let you all know that I'm talking to Angel on MSN right now... I wouldn't go as far to say he's "okay", but he's alive... which I'm glad about. But I really do understand his pain...
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I wonder why the conversation was deleted?
     
  8. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    What conversation?
     
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    The convosation that was posted deleted by another member of staff. As it was PERSONAL convosation the decision was made to delete it. The other member involved in the convosation may not be happy with such convosation being posted on a forum when thousands of people can see it.
     
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    She's probably dead now so I don't see why it matters.
     
  11. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    No one knows for sure whats happened to her. Assuming things isn't the right way to go about it. We're all trying out best to find out whats happened to her.
     
  12. That does seem wrong to delete it...

    And she wasn't happy anyway...I don't believe that posting a conversation she had is going to make it any worse for her...she had a lot more things to worry about.
     
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    It was nice reading what she last wrote and knowing her last wishes.
     
  14. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    god i want to die...................................................
     
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't kill yourself Angel. I can't bear to lose another SF friend.
     
  16. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i dont want to kill myself, i want someone to kill me..i swear dave i just want to die
     
  17. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    The decision was made by another staff member. It was a deleted for a reason and i've already stated the reason. If you have a problem then your very welcome to write in letters to management.
     
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