It's an age old friend. A comfort and a demon, that will not leave. Love and hate Like ice and fire A dance of red A scream of pain A sigh of relief A laughter of stupidity Tears of regret Engulfed by darkness Like a beautifully quilted blanket It holds me close and I can't escape Even if the sun touches my face, a shadow is made. Almost two years without a new cut, I thought about it, I never did it. I came close. I keep looking at the scars of time past . Fuck this. It never leaves. I'm close to just pushing it onto my skin. Just willing to do it because I know the relief but I'm well aware of this stupid cycle. It's like alternatives help for a lot of things but somethings, I just don't know how or what to feel anymore and I know what my comfort was. Fuck this. I can't explain what I'm feeling. It's a big knotted ball of shit.