Fuck it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sparrow91, Feb 16, 2016.

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  1. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    It's an age old friend.
    A comfort and a demon,
    that will not leave.
    Love and hate
    Like ice and fire
    A dance of red
    A scream of pain
    A sigh of relief
    A laughter of stupidity
    Tears of regret
    Engulfed by darkness
    Like a beautifully quilted blanket
    It holds me close and I can't escape
    Even if the sun touches my face, a shadow is made.

    Almost two years without a new cut, I thought about it, I never did it. I came close. I keep looking at the scars of time past . Fuck this. It never leaves. I'm close to just pushing it onto my skin. Just willing to do it because I know the relief but I'm well aware of this stupid cycle. It's like alternatives help for a lot of things but somethings, I just don't know how or what to feel anymore and I know what my comfort was. Fuck this. I can't explain what I'm feeling. It's a big knotted ball of shit.
    Cicada 3301 likes this.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter


    2 years. WOW! that is really well done. It must have taken so much strength to stay 'clean' for that long.
    I hope you can stay strong, and know that this is not the right way to deal with things... even if it may feel like that.

    Your poem was very beautiful, I could really feel it. Thank you for sharing!
    Sparrow91 likes this.
  3. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    Thank you... It's not easy but I'm getting better at it. That's why I came back to the forum.. It helps typing it out and talking to people who get it. I really appreciate your reply
  4. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks for sharing. Almost 2 years is really good going, well done. I'm a few weeks away from one year. You may get a temporary relief but you know as well as I do that the temptation is not worth it. That vicious cycle you get put in is not worth it. Don't let those feelings set you back to day zero. You can make it to two years, I know you can. Be proud of yourself, 2 years is amazing
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