Fuck it

[k_pressy]

I'm done. Seriously. I've had enough.

I'm fed up of putting on this face, putting up this wall, making people think that i'm ok when inside they've broken me, they've killed the last bit of hope that I had.

My boyfriend of 3 years has left me and then got straight with my best friend. The night he finished with me he slept with her. And I pretend that it doesn't phase me and i'm not bothered about it but inside i'm completely shattered.

I don't want to be me anymore. I'm sick of this life, I can't take this anymore. The doctors don't do fuck all to help me, just brush me aside with more tablets. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE TABLETS TO GET THROUGH THE FUCKING DAY!

I can feel that its all slowly surfacing and pretty soon its going to come to a head, and i'm going to end up doing something so stupid but it won't be at the time.
No.
I can't let that happen.

I need to get help before it goes that far. But I can't let them see how I really feel.
God why is this so hard?!?!? I thought I was doing well, I thought I was doing ok, I'd managed to fool myself into thinking I could cop, but the stupid thoughts at the back of my head all came to the front and now i'm drowning in my own fucking mind.

UGH!

 

[voices_inmy_head]

I know about hiding... I'm so good at hiding nobody around me has a clue who I am even down to the music i enjoy.

But you are allowed to be hurt. What your ex and your best friend did was wrong. It was beyond wrong. Scream, shout, cry ... nobody is going to think it abnormal.

Have you tried exercise? I know it sucks to begin with but the happiest i've felt in the last 10 years was when I was exercising regually. In fact I quickly started to enjoy doing it and missed it if I didn't go.

 

[SuicideIsTheWrongOption]

To go what you've gone through is beyond hard. Taking medicine alone won't help. I'm on meds and i still cant stand it certain days. No one would expect you to be ok right now.

Are you being seen by anyone? Therapist or someone? sometimes they are good at helping you move on.

Either way, i'm really sorry, that's just about one of the shittiest things that can happen to a person. If i was in your situation, i'd give my friend a big Fuck YOU and leave them both out of my life, and if she's a good friend, i'd do that just long enough to get over the situation.

I hope you get over this soon. Just stick with it, you'll meet someone better and you'll be happy you didn't do anything rash.

 

[k_pressy]

thanks or the replies. Everything just feels like its getting worse though. Me and him have decided to be friends for the sake of all our other mates, but its so hard. I'm so madly in love with him and I don't want to be because it just hurts, especially knowing he doesn't feel the same any more.

But then yesterday we had a long chat and all he could keep telling me is that 'you never know what will happen in the future'. And I got upset. And he hugged me. And that pretty much broke my heart all over again.

I just want to get him off my mind. I just want to be able to sort my head out.
I'm not being seen by a therapist or anything at the moment but think I need to because I can't carry on like this any more.

 

[total eclipse]

YOU deserve so much better please just tell them both screw off and go find someone who loves you totally and will treat you special not like garbage.
You have to have more self respect and know there is another person who can and will respect you and love you so please tell them both to screw off and go make better friends.