Fuck it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by point-less, Nov 14, 2010.

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  1. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    I know i'm annoying, I know I piss you off! You think I don't know that?!
    Yes i'm very fucking aware!
    I hate myself. I'm an insane fucker with people that I call friends that probably don't even want to knoe me. And i'm not blaming them.

    I can't talk to people with out feeling like I pss them off, and I can't talk to my councellors about how I feel because then they tell my parents, then my parents tell my school then I go back on 'Suicide Watch' Whatever the fuck that is. And you know what. When I do talk to a mate or something about how shit i'm feeling, they either don't reply, or say 'it'll be okay' and then go offline. They're only saying 'it'll be okay' because they don't know how i'm feeling. And they think it will pass within an hour or something and next morning i'll wake up feeling really fucking dandy. Yeah I pretend I am. Just so I don't piss them off even more than I already have.

    I'm gonna take a guess and think by the time anyone reads this, then they'll be pissed off too. And kind of hate me. Hate. Strong word. I'll go with 'dislike', but if you want to hate me. Go ahead.

    I'm just so sick of life. I'm a walking scar and have attempted suicide 4 times. WTF! How can I fail 4 times?! It's stupid and unfair! I just want to die! Too much to ask? I would be doing everone a huge favour.
    Just Fuck It.

    Fuck like in the ass!
    Fuck it in the ass with a chainsaw!
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Why on earth would I hate you? I've never even met you and you've certainly never pissed me off.
    I don't understand why you hate yourself so much or why you're so angry. I do understand the pain that you're going through right now though and I think you need to express it. Tell us what got you here.
    BTW, Your friends don't say 'it's okay' because they don't know what you're going through. They say it because they don't know what else to do. They're not trained in this sort of thing and don't know how to react. They're frightened of making it worse somehow.
    Mental health issues are widely misunderstood and that includes within the Medical profession.
    Are you on any meds?
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    hey point-less
    i dont see why anyone would be pissed off or dislike/hate you aftre reading this. i know i sure as hell dont. i dont find you annoying in the least bit.
    i definitely can relate to the telling-someone-how-you-feel-and-they-just-go-offline (that must be annoying to read)
    they will most likely tell you that everything will be fine tomorrow bc thats what they have always experienced :/
    they really cant put them selfs in our position bc they just dont know what it feels like.
    i had gotton to the point where i even annoyed my best friend who was actually in the same (well not entierly same) situation as me. she got over the hill after a while but im still sitting at the bottom of the barrel.
    i assume from what you wrote that thats how your situation is right now and i also have no one who knows how im feeling. everyone tells me to just chill the fuck out and get over it and will stop talking to me so i wont pull them down.
    i had 1 attempt and im not doing too hot recently but im good.
    but i think id rather die than being fucked in the ass with a chainsaw :D
  4. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    No i'm on no medication. Doctors say I don't need anything. Plus everyone thinks i'll just ovrdose on it anyway :/
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I do not hate you.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, I don't hate you either :)

    I think that your friends freak out because most people are superficial, and can't really deal with confronting problems because there is really nothing in our culture that encourages that.

    If doctors haven't directed you to some kind of treatment then they are incompetent.

    I think that saying "fuck life up the ass with a chainsaw" is really funny. I just can't think of anything to top it. Maybe "fuck life up the ass with a flaming chainsaw"?
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    oh, sorry about thinking that the whole "fuck life up the ass with a chainsaw" thing was funny. You're obviously in a lot of pain, so maybe making jokes isn't so good. :(

    I hope that you are able to get some treatment that helps you. Maybe therapy? Keep posting here?

    Oh, I very frequently encourage acupuncture.
  8. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    I'm actually glad that people are finding the ' fuck life up the ass with a chainsaw' funny. I din't kno wwhy I guess because all my posts on here are depressing lol.

    Yeah I get therapy twice a week but no one will give me medication. People don't think I need it. So it's all rather suckish.
  9. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Chill out.

    None of us hate you.
  10. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i honestly feel a lot the same though. i dont know where its coming from, low self esteem or whatever, but i automatically asume that every one thinks im annoying and dislikes me no matter what i say. your certainly not the only one thinking so. i also hate posting threads bc i think nobody wants to hear what i have to say anyway even though thats what this forum is for.
    and bc of the meds, maybe you should talk to another doctor to see what they will say
  11. Mask The Pain

    Mask The Pain Member

    I feel the same way. But know that I don't hate you. I feel like Like no one really likes me. And they hate listening to me. But I know I have true friends who don't care that I'm not an eloquent speaker. They know the real me and love me for it. You just have to find your real friends.
  12. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    Yeah i'ver been to pleanty of doctors but they all say the same.

    It's easy to say ' Chill out. No one hates you ' but try being hated by your familyand hearing from your mom that you're a mistake who shouldn't of happened, try being hated by nearly everyone in your school because of being shy and quiet. I'm so use to people hating I assume straight away that everyone els does too. I save myself the upset.
    It isn't that simple to 'Chill out'. Not as easy as you think.
  13. backwardshole

    backwardshole Active Member

    All I have to say, is live your life for yourself, nevermind about the others. If others willingly and physically invade your paramenter, then that's when you retaliate... ..physically. It would be the antagonizer's fault for not keeping to him/herself as they are required to do so.

    As long as you keep to yourself, live life for yourself, SO WHAT IF 1 or 2 people don't like you. Soon, my friend, you will awaken and see how fucked up human nature really is, and the overall social fabric is very fragmented.. You will laugh it all off soon man...
  14. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    ok, so how about "fuck life up the ass with an electrified radioactive flaming chainsaw with A.I.D.S.!!!!"

    I think when you get surrounded by people who mess with you, it really does stuff with your head.

    Maybe you can start to get some positive feedback here.
  15. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    xD :biggrin:
  16. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I learned the hard way that no one gives two shits about me..Friends just use you..So I have learned to live a life of isolation..Your young and have a chance to turn your life around..You only get what you want out of what you put into it..Please keep talking to us..
  17. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    well, wait a minute now,

    I think if you have bad experiences, people tend to isolate themselves. That doesn't mean that the whole world or all of humanity is bad though.

    It's easy to find bad friends and hard to find good friends. That doesn't mean that good people aren't out there, you just have to find them.
  18. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    Yes, f**k it, but with what the others think, it's already too much dealing with your own problems as to worry about the others, they will not want to hear your problems, they'll ask you to not tell anyone, they will not trust you, etc, I know how you feel, you wish you could talk to them about it, they want to forget and want you to forget, the problem there is that you want them to change and they want you to change, but it's not going to happen, you can't change people, so you have to be careful who you trust in and who will hurt you with their comments, ideas or by ignoring you, so talking about it with them will just be off limits.

    God has given you 4 chances to stay in this world, don't let people be negative around you, let them know, also make it clear to them when they are not trusting you and let them know.

    By the way, your post doesn't piss me off, because I care and I will be praying for you. :)
  19. point-less

    point-less Well-Known Member

    Thank you! That last bit meant alot to me. ( That goes for everyone. Your replies mean alot <3 )

    And yes that's exaclty how I feel most of the time!
  20. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Oh hate, what a feeling to feel all the time with no reprieve or feelings of it ending. Some say you can take this feeling and turn it to positive thinking, but I have never been able to do that either.

    So I use my hate to clean or do whatever it is that Im putting off at the moment that will use up all that nasty energy and leave me feeling tired.

    I say why the hell am I so mad all the time, really over nothing or little things that shouldnt even bother me.

    I know you say doc wont give you any meds, have you tried your family doc? I actually get mine from my gyno, so its not something that has to come from a psch doc.

    I know Im full of helpful advice right, lol. I just wanted to let you knwo your not the only one that feels this way, mad at yourself, at the world, at everything around you. Im here if you ever want to talk....
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