Fuck It

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Nov 29, 2010.

  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I don't really feel I should stay on this forum any longer.

    Nothing has changed, if anything, I've only gotten worse.

    But I know that if I am on this site I am just wasting space on the server that someone else who has real problems could be using.

    All I am is another pathetic idiot in a sea of people who are actually drowning.

    I hate my life, my body, my job, pretty much everything but I know I don't deserve better, <Mod Edit:Music:Methods>
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no not a sea of people drowning but people trying so hard to stay afloat to stay alive to get back to shore. I hope with help you too can find that shore okay If not here then get some therapy maybe but get some kind of support for you. We all try just to help each other until we have the strength to make it on our own.
  3. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I grew tired of the same words being typed "I hope..."

    There is no help for me, there is nothing.
    I tell everyone.
    I don't have money, time or a form of transportation to see a psychologist and I refuse to see a psychiatrist (though the same lack of three things applies to them as well), I don't want a half-wit just jamming pills down my throat to suppress my serotonin levels and adjust my oxytocin. Those are chemicals in the brain that regulate mood, by the way.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Pills do not suppress the serotonin level they increase it bring it back to the level it should be at. STress depletes our natural level of it and our body cannot produce enough of it so meds are necessary to keep it level. Just as insulin is needed to a diabetic whose pancreas is not working properly. Meds are just being used to bring our brain level back to normal because our brain cannot keep the level sufficient under stress YOU can call a regular doctor and get a prescription for antidepressant no pdoc needed no psychologist needed It is very common for many who suffer from depression to be on medication to help through a rough time then once the stress the anxiety is done they can go off the meds again take care
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I dont think your taking up anymore room than I am, and Im not going anywhere, neither should you.

    Sorry that I havent seen any of your threads, but Im here if you ever want to talk.

    PM anytime.
  6. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Hmm...I suppose I must repeat myself, once more. Excuse me.

  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well said i am still having that debate whether to try meds again or just stay unstable i don't know i hate meds too but meds or total destruction of me i don't know really hard one because i don't want meds either even knowing they can help i just can't seem to try again.
  8. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I don't want something that can't be a guarantee, I've done my research, I know full well that medical science still knows too little about how the brain actually works and that not all medication, no matter the dosage, will effect every user the same, it could end up raising my blood pressure and killing me or giving me erectile dysfunction.

    But no matter, I don't have time,money, or transportation.

    I don't know why I bother saying all that, I am just going to repeat myself.

    Forget it.
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry i understand NO MEDICATION NONE i got it i hope you find something because it would be a shame to lose such an outspoken person as yourself
    You state your mind quite clearly and i am hearing it take care.
  10. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    As I said, there is no help for me.

    I also don't believe a single one of you actually cares one half of a tenth of a percent as much as you say you do.

    I came on this site, originally trying to find a good enough reason to not kill myself, I have not found one.
  11. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    What gives you that sense? I feel quite the opposite. Care to share?
  12. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I've run into so many people who say they care, they don't, all it is, is pity.

    You can't care for someone you don't know, because you can't be sure I truly exist, how do you know I am who I say I am?
    You only feel you should care for the idea of me because you feel pity for those who are bad off, not for any actual person.
  13. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    You DO deserve better! But this screwed up world has led some of us to believe that that we don't. Don't give in to that. Granted, it may NOT get better, but not because you don't deserve it.

    You have value and purpose. Believe it, whether anyone else thinks so or not. This life and especially this capitalistic society has robbed you of those feelings. They simply want you to be a consumer and fuel the machine, be a cog in the wheels.

    Screw them! Live your life the way you want, and screw eveyone that doesn't like it. screw what they say and what they think. What makes them think they're even entitled to any kind of opinion about you, anyway??? Tell them to butt out, and walk away without looking back or giving them another thought.
  14. Tiredofitall

    Tiredofitall Active Member

    The reason is,..... so you can help us, and so we can help each other make sense of all this mess. For one thing, let's stick around and be as much of a burden on society as it has led us to believe that we are. Which is horse hockey, of course. It's society that has scarred us, not us scarring society. We are only the victims, not the cause.

    Besides, I like smart people. Stay, and let us reason together........
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WEll you are WRONG there so please do not attack our ability to truly care about another person. I care about all i have responded too. Perhaps you have not loss one to suicide so you don't have a clue how much pain there is
    But you can say all you want about how you feel but you cannot say things about people that are not true. I care and i know others who have put years and years into this forum CARE okay God if they did not care this forum would not exist for you to vent on for you to rant on to release you pain
    I care about you and i donot even know you I feel you anger you pain your sadness and your frustration. I am sorry you can not SEE how much compassion their is here I was so suicdal and i still am but coming here allows the pain to be releassed some YOu are releasing your pain every time you vent every time you say mean things that pain is leaving you. I CARE and so many others do too. TAke care of you Prof okay maybe take a good look at all the suffering and tell me i don't care again because you are wrong there i and many others care immensly What is it you would have us do Prof that we have not already done. I hope you continue to come here and vent that anger out that pain keep coming keep arguing keep fighting You are healing you believe it or not.
  16. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Ouch that hurts, I actually do care that your hurting. I care that you seem to not see people around you that do care.

    No we dont know you, nope never even talk to you before, but I do know how you feel, so pissed off that it hurts so damn much and you cant do anything about it. So mad at the world because everyone around you seems so happy and cheerful but are walking right past you without a glance. You think you would be better off and everyone around you would be better off without you here. Well how would we know unless you put yourself out there for everyone to see. Not this hateful pissed off person (that I know you dont want to feel) but you, let us try and help. Stop fighting, I know your brain is telling you to give up but dont, it can get better, if you try.

    AND YOU HAVE TO TRY EVERYTHING and until you do you cant say that there is nothing left of you. Your still in there, dig down deep and bring him back out.
  17. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    You don't know me at all.

    My entire college career and future are teetering on the edge based on one decision I make.
    I have two huge projects due, one of which I have due Thursday and haven't even started and have no idea how to start.

    I can't be helped, you don't know how to help me.
    I am stressed, angry, sad, anxious.

    I am not hiding myself, I am angry, I am dark, I am nothing.
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you don't know how to start it go inand talk to prof talk to coucillor and get the help you need or an extension if need be that is what the councillors are for to help you. Hope you do
  19. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Sorry you feel no-one cares; but we do,
    sorry you are having a rough time. . . but you CAN pull through this.
    What project have you got to start? maybe we can help? We may be a clever bunch between us,
    try to rationally work through it.
  20. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I have to write a query letter or letters, to at least one but possibly more, magazines.
    A query letter is a letter stating that I would like to write an article for that magazine about something I feel I can competently write about.

    However I've no idea which magazine to write about as I know nothing of interest to write about. I am a loser.

    I had one writing project due for creative writing I had to take a zero on, the goal was to write in the perspective of someone who knows you well, I wrote about myself in first person explaining how no one knows me well enough for me to write a page worth of sentences.