fuck it

Im gone out, I cannot take people who claim they love and care about me hurting me so badly I cannot do it anymore I am not spending another xmas alone thinking, knowing I am such a bad fucking person that no one can put up with me, or even want to be a real friend with me, I have pushed to the edge and now I jump. sorry

oh and sorry for swearing

 

At the end of the day, it's your decision to make. How anybody can say on a forum that they care for you personally, without truly knowing you, is beyond me.

I'd like to say don't do it, but I don't know your situation. Plus I'm sure there'll be enough people saying that anyway.

 

fair point I will just fuck off then

 

No! :hug: Rich, I'm not good at stuff like this, but I care and I don't want you to go.

What happened to cause this? Talk to me.

 

What's going on Rich?

 

The girl I was seeing finished with me
I have been spending the past week crashing on peoples sofas because I cannot go to my house, because my housemate has trashed the place having a three day party, as well stealing my stuff.
our tenancy ends thursday and I have nowhere to live
and above all I am the biggest fucking moron in the world

I could go on but what is the point

 

That really sucks. Do you have anywhere else to crash?

 

tonight I am "back" home no one else is in the place is just I am too ashamed to say. I had nowhere else to go, like its really a good time to find out that I have actually no one to turn too, my sister coped with me a few nights then made her excuses. I just think I should take the hint and disapper

 

rich you're a caring and kind person and a dear friend..don't you dare go and 'disappear'...
you said you'd be around on 28th to think of me and I'm holding you at your word.
don't give up..here if you need to talk...:hugtackles:

 

Im an idiot all I do is destroy those around me, why should someone like me deserve to be happy, I just I have no idea if I die then I will never know but it is the only way to stop me hurting other people, and hurting myself

 

i know things are rough right now, but did something else happen to trigger you? of course you deserve to feel better, deserve happiness. we all do. please don't hurt yourself. you can get through this. we are all here to support you.

 

I cannot even get on here much I have been driven out of my own home by one of my housemates, who stole of us then didnt pay rent and nearly got us kicked out, so my other housemate decided to leave (fair enough) and I had to stay but its too much now I have been threatned by people I dont know kept up all night and had to go to work on no sleep as she is having parities, cannot even call the police as it will cause to many problems, so I am having to stay at friends except its xmas coming up I have nowhere to go, my sister is busy, I just got dumped because I am such a fuck up, so I have no idea how to pull through this, I have nowhere to rest, I keep falling asleep at work because I am so tired, so I am worried I will get caught and sacked. I mean I have only just found somewhere to sleep tonight, and I am despretly looking in the paper for something permemnt just a small flat even a bedsit but its just before xmas.

And then I have the thoughts of her I fucked up our relationship and she doesnt even believe I love her, when she was the one thing keeping me going to be with her, and I love her so much, but I think she hates me now like completly hates me, because I called her a liar when I was upset I didnt mean it I wasnt even aware of what I was saying, I was so stressed upset and terrified stuff came out, and I know it is unforgiveable I know but I have no idea what to do to fix it, and with everything else going on there always seems that easlier way out, yet I am here still fighting I have honestly no idea why I should

 

At the moment your in a bad zone, you have to break trough it. Everyone has felt like that at least once or twice in their lifetime.

What worked for me was breaking away from all those people that were bad for me or vice versa. Calm down, take time to think things over.

 

well done for fighting Rich...looking for a place is a positive so keep at it..
You have fought and won before and I believe you can do it again
please don't give up...you have been a great support to me and others on SF and have many friends here who want you to be okay..
:hiya:opcorn::hug::wub: