I have put so much into just waiting for the right moment to meet a girl. but each right moment is shattered by my depression, no self confidence and low self esteem. I am reminded daily of what I do not have. of what I want and what I will probably never get. I am sickened by it. I am haunted by it. I am alone. simple. I am not desperate, i am just alone. friends around but nothing that will last, (orders to our next command will separate us by next year). I have nothing and no one. my friends happiness makes me sick. their jokes their humor (not meant to be offensive) tears me down. its gut wrenching. I loathe looking in the mirror. my face, my height, my body, my eyes. my eyes that are constantly showing how depressed I actually am. I started putting towels over the mirrors in my room. i turn my head so not to see myself. my own image is repulsive. I have this image, of who I would be without depression. without these thoughts of suicide. the guy that joined the Navy for another reason than to escape an abusive household. to escape his thoughts of death. I am intelligent, charismatic, charming and above all social. as that person I can actually make someone else happy; an impossibility in my state. but that is all I really want. just to make some one else happy. to know for a second that another person actually cares for me. that I am worthy of some body else times and affection. That i am not alone. god do i wish i just had someone to talk to about this.