fuck it

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by normaljoe, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    I have put so much into just waiting for the right moment to meet a girl. but each right moment is shattered by my depression, no self confidence and low self esteem. I am reminded daily of what I do not have. of what I want and what I will probably never get. I am sickened by it. I am haunted by it. I am alone. simple. I am not desperate, i am just alone. friends around but nothing that will last, (orders to our next command will separate us by next year). I have nothing and no one. my friends happiness makes me sick. their jokes their humor (not meant to be offensive) tears me down. its gut wrenching. I loathe looking in the mirror. my face, my height, my body, my eyes. my eyes that are constantly showing how depressed I actually am. I started putting towels over the mirrors in my room. i turn my head so not to see myself. my own image is repulsive.
    I have this image, of who I would be without depression. without these thoughts of suicide. the guy that joined the Navy for another reason than to escape an abusive household. to escape his thoughts of death. I am intelligent, charismatic, charming and above all social. as that person I can actually make someone else happy; an impossibility in my state. but that is all I really want. just to make some one else happy. to know for a second that another person actually cares for me. that I am worthy of some body else times and affection. That i am not alone. god do i wish i just had someone to talk to about this.
  2. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    wow a lot of what you said describe a lot of whats going on with me. Its like you said I will probly never find love or even a gf. However I have an image in my head that says if I just get through this I can have what I want if I work hard on my goals and other things I think it will be a lot easier to find girls. I don't think I would even want to meet the love of my life in my state now that I think about it. My goal is to get better first work on getting a good job and finding good friends better then my super model friends that get every girl they want when I'm stuck with nothing. I want legitment friends and I think if I someday find that maybe I'll meet the right girl along the way. I don't know well thats what I tell myself to keep me alive.
  3. Lps

    Lps Well-Known Member

    Hey - the weird truth is you can be pretty much anything & a girl will love you. Be kind. Part of the problem with feeling lousy is it causes you to miss opportunities, and also to not put your best self out there. For example, lots of people want to date beauty queens but if you want that you gotta work out, take care of yourself physically and dress well. No matter how you look, if you can apply some love to yourSELF and get your confidence up, girls can love you, too. If you're busy feeling repulsive people can sense that. So maybe focus on accepting yourself. If you can accept yourself 100% or even 70%...a girl can totally do the same. Take care.
  4. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    my apologies for the language of the title. I dont think I can change it now, i wasnt in the right mind when posting this. ^^ thank you all. my mood has drastically changed since visiting this website and talking to people. what normally would have eaten away at me and kept me up has been released and I am feeling just numb and tired. (a step up actually).