fuck life it just gets worse by the day

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chernarus, May 2, 2009.

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  1. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    i beat up my brother threatened to kill him (wasnt serious threat) after him and his friends picked on me that whole day. I was there for that basturd every time some one bullyed him but this is how he repayed me. so i was sent to jail by my mother who lied to the cops and told them i threatened him with a knife when i got the knife he was no were close to him i grabbed it for suicide by cop. when i got out the door i pussyed out and threw it at the house. So my own mother sent me to jail for a month and after jail i got sent to a residential treatment center which is just a government brainwashing center, possing as help for misguided youth yah right. Jail broke down my mental stability or atleast what i had left now i hear a voice that a good friend told me is a posetion of a lesser demon. this voice tells me to hurt my self hurt others but i can control him for now. The theraspy at this place disgustes me my therapist isnt even licenced and she goes flailing all my personal shit to every one she can tell. im in a fucking place were people rape each other and are in there foir help because they rape little children. My faith in my country used to be so strong i would have layed my life down for any citizen in this country even the ones who dispise me. but now they censor me take away my bill of rights no freedom just what they tell me to do. they say what i can and cant do what i can and cant say. Hell im an anarchist now this is what they have bred. i live in a country were a person can send you to jail just by saying you did the crime that was straw one my mother did to me that was a year ago. now i did a crime and they added a bunch of other crimes to my wrap sheet crimes i didnt do. and if your wondering how i am able to write this letter its because those basturds let me have a home pass which is a nice break from this place but its only for 2 days. so now im on the brink of going insain. hell i want to kill my self its on my mind 24/7 and i kicked suicide for three months i kicked depression for 3 months. i dont know what to do help only hurts me worse now that im a "criminal". i hate my life and you know what im only gonna get 2 days to read your letters of hope and posibly help so i thank those who have read this far. but i do not know what to do. do i kill my self or do i go insain and live the rest of my natural life in a loony bin drugged up.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I just wanted you to know that I read your post. I'm sorry life has been so cruel to you.

    How long do you have to be stuck in there?
     
  3. loula

    loula Member

    focus. You most def wont be in a 'loony bin' forever. we all do stupid things. and ur instant reaction to a very difficult situation has backfired. Personally i believe your mothers betrayl has hurt you the most, coupled with your brothers i can see how that pain would be unbearable. Absolutley do not end your life. It would look like childish revenge against them as they clearly do not understand or are choosing not to understand your actions. Please take one on the chin and in a year or so you will look back and you never know may have a family or girlfriend that will feel like family. If you can tell me what happens. I wish you all the luck in the world. I know all about family betrayl. x
     
  4. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

    Life has been so cruel and unfair to you, but please don't let the bad parts of the world beat you down. You do not deserve to have hate and anger in you life. You were willing to sacrifice your own life for our country--you have a hero's spirit. Do not let people with their own issues defeat you. You do not need to listen to anything or anyone that wants you to hurt anyone, including yourself. You have the power to help people instead, you have that hero's heart where you've wanted to be a cop or soldier. Don't give up on yourself.
     
  5. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    i dont know if i can go back to wanting to be a marine but heres a link to the place i stay at im on home pass only for two days. What they dont tell you is they can share your personal information with anyone and they take away your right of self expression. I will say this about this place its better than jail. http://www.griffithcenters.org/gcc/therapy.php
     
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