Fuck life

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by akalee_786, Oct 16, 2012.

  1. akalee_786

    akalee_786 Banned Member

    What's the point? Why am I fighting.. I decided to add a reminder on my phone every morning with a list of reasons why Im here... Though the list is tht short I found myself writing nothing people may think they need me they may think I'm great but really I'm not I'm nothing literally nothing I wouldn't even call myself shit, it's far times better than me
    I need them to suffer to feel the pain I'm feeling everyday the hurt I feel when I get corrected they hurt I feel when I can't be me when I have to do everything in secret.. Even hide myself though they seem to find me the real me and kill her stab the knife in my heart and just keep twisting and twisting they're draining the life I have left out of me... They need to feel this I will make them feel this I pray I hope when I go they have this feeling I hope they know it's coz of them coz of who they made me who they turned me into these thoughts they gave me these feelings they gave ill b sure to make yh know it was THEM

    I had my happiness I had it in my hands I had everything I wanted till they sent me away till they made me forget they took the love from me they took everything off of me they left me woth nothing... They attached strings to me and made me their puppet dance puppet dance they just gotta pull the strings and I have to move nothing I can do to stop this I'll never be free from th they'll always have one string on me keep pulling me back knocking me over They'll never let me be happy.. I begged them i begged for my happiness and they laughed they laughed in my face I hope they know what they done to me I was never this before I never had thoughts that haunt me I slept at night wishing for tomorrow to wake up... Now I'm scared to sleep I ovoid sleep knowing I have to wake up to this.. There was a time I woke up thinking about food or which dress to wear which way I should do my hair... My first thought every morning was how much I loved him my last at Nigjt was telling him again in the morning... Now it's I need to cut I need to see the blood drip from me see the Hurt flow out of me so I can start my day thinking I wish I was dead.. My last thought is wishing not to wake up I will make them feel this they will feel what I feel every day... I will not be their puppet no longer I am done I hope they know it's coz of them . This may not make any sense at all but its not meant to
  2. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Akalee, I just want to write that I did read this, and understand parts of what you said, in terms of the pain you are feeling, the betrayal, the uncertainty etc... and many more concepts.

    But I don't feel I can be supportive enough for you, at the same time... because when I read this I have concerns about the fact that there are avenues that could have been taken, or could be taken.... to change your future, or give you a different outcome... but I fear you don't want to act on those avenues.

    So it's hard for me to do anything then, and I guess at that point, I can't then, I can't really say much, I can't be supportive then... I just can't...

    But I am writing this to let you know, that I am feeling for you, I do think about you, I do worry about you... I do all of these things... so that you don't think that you are posting here, and no one cares. SO that you don't think that you are invisible....

    Please know that there are people here who maybe... don't know how to approach you, and your situation, and they want to comfort you, or pull you out of it, or do something for you... but maybe cannot, or maybe trying to do that would only make things worse for you, or make you feel more isolated.

    I am just trying to let you know that I am not exactly passing you by... or avoiding, or... any of these things in this instance... it's just again, that I don't know if I would even be helpful to comment on a deeper level, because it would probably just push you away.

    I hope, that you can find a way to give yourself what you need, and to allow yourself the opportunity to fight the things that you feel just are not what your life was meant to be, or not what you feel was intended for your purpose in life... parents and family are there to teach you and raise you... but they must not forget that even though you have been a part of them, you must be allowed to become a part of yourself... because you still are a separate entity, a separate life.

    I hope that somehow you may be helped...