fuck this shit

[treefingers]

fuck it, fuck it all. the world seems so empty. abandoned industrial estates and echoing hallways. the wind whistling. longing for human contact but flinching when it's given. longing to be born again, to have a fresh start. the beauty of it all is so startling and sad, i don't think i can take it. i love life too much, i just can't find a way to cope with it. i can't handle all these images, all these choices, all these complications, tragedy and beauty. i can't handle it. i want time to stop. i don't want to feel all this time slipping away again. is there anyway to cope with this, this sensory, beauty, sadness, complicated overload? it gets so much i can't breathe. i don't want to be alone with this anymore. there's nothing over the cliff, just dark empty nothingness for eternity, there's NOTHING. but i can't live here where THERE'S TOO MUCH

 

[bethkate]

May you be well.
May you be happy.
May you be free from suffering.

 

[treefingers]

fuck it fuck it fuck it FUCK IT

FUCK IT! I wish I could. I wish I could just throw away my life like it was nothing. But I can't. I'm stuck.

I can't handle all this sadness and heartache anymore. I'm an idiot. I'm not beautiful. I'm not talented. I'm not clever. I can't talk to people or make friends. I can't get a boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm not charismatic. I'm not individual. I'm not interesting.

*cries*

I just want it to end.

 

[LonelyTraveler]

I hear ya. Fuck it all! It's all a bunch of fucking bullshit!!!! What does the world think we are, machines? They don't think that we feel? we hurt? Fuck it! Fuck the world! Life is bullshit!!!

 

[ggg456]

fuck it fuck it fuck it FUCK IT

FUCK IT! I wish I could. I wish I could just throw away my life like it was nothing. But I can't. I'm stuck.

I can't handle all this sadness and heartache anymore. I'm an idiot. I'm not beautiful. I'm not talented. I'm not clever. I can't talk to people or make friends. I can't get a boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm not charismatic. I'm not individual. I'm not interesting.
*cries*

I just want it to end.

Why do you feel you have to be those things?

Why is 'talent' 'cleverness' 'sociability' 'charisma' and so called 'individuality' seen as better than just being you?

Perhaps if you stopped aiming, or putting such attributes on such a high pedestal you'd just develop and things wouldn't have such strict boxes around them such as "I'm not this that/the/other" if you took them all away there wouldn't be anything to aspire to and you'd be left with the ground, you, your feet and perhaps there will be a time when you will lift off but it'd be on your terms rather than others.

is there anyway to cope with this, this sensory, beauty, sadness, complicated overload? it gets so much i can't breathe.

You might find it helpful to get it out somehow. Do you paint or draw or act or dance or anything do anything which involves making things from the things you sense? You're feeling a lot from your environment. I spent years and years feeling like you- especially the part of longing for contact and flinching when it's given and that kind of sensory overload and just wanting it all to stop and the emptiness- yeah. A lot of memories..

I get the overload a lot and what helps me is a camera or a little tiny notepad and passing everything that goes through me through a camera or through just scribbling things down, it does ease the feeling of sensory overload- it also helps me focus intensely on something rather than TOO MUCH TOO MUCH all the time getting at me.

Also, I was talking to my therapist about this yesterday- I dissociate a lot I think because I can't take the overload of information a lot of the time and what I do to help me block off are sunglasses and headphones although then again, you could be putting yourself in vulnerable situations in public not knowing where you are but it does help if you just want some kind of barrier or safety...