I am so sick of this shit. I know I have made a lot of mistakes in this life, I still make them, but I am sick of the heartache and stress I am feeling that is NOT my fault. For instance, my mom drinks and when she drinks she gets verbally abusive. I try to stay away from her in my own room but she won't let me leave the room and if I'm not in the room when she drinks she will call out to me and make me come in, then proceed to tell me all of my faults and how I can't function in society. She's right how I can't function in society since I've been basically reminded of that often. Mom's drinking is both a heartache and a stress, since it worries me about how she will be getting verbally abusive when she drinks. She has ruined my past birthdays and Christmases the past few birthdays and Christmases, and I don't expect this year will be any different. I have no interest in my birthday (which is this Thursday, December 20th) or Christmas since guaranteed she will find some way to ruin it. I'm sorry to say that but it's what I have been experiencing. Tonight this guy I was going to hang out with tomorrow; who I have already made arrangements with and we agreed to hang out all of a sudden says he can't hang out and won't tell me why. Mom says it's probably because he seen this hate thread a bastard who I never seen in four years at the time (and still had not seen at the time he had made the thread) back in 2008. It's now 2012 so if he did see it why the hell would he decide to hate me or not be my friend? Because people post how I'm "Scary Terry" (even though my name is not Terry) and won't say why (and I have no clue why they call me that to begin with). I never told him about the name, but mom says he probably found it on this local website that the posts were made on. This issue with the guy is heartache, who the hell can I trust anymore????? Right now, I am facing a charge of shoplifting (this happened in August) and even though it was not in the news, mom says he probably found out about it since gossip can spread. I have attempted suicide many times and unfortunately failed each time, so I am hoping that either I get sent to jail for my crime so I won't be around society and have to worry about people liking me or not liking me; I don't give a shit about other people in jail or the guards, I will just keep to myself, as I have been doing since I know when I try to be friends with someone I usually end up hurt, and I don't constantly talk to them nor am I constantly in their face; or that the world does end on December 21st. The world ending/me dying would be the best gift I could ever get since I would no longer have to worry about people not liking me/everyone thinking that I'm the black sheep. Fuck life. Life has the letters "l i e" in it for a reason: because life is nothing but a LIE!!!!