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Fuck you PTSD

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Petal, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I fucking hate you. I can't control how fast the images are leaking into my mind. The flashbacks of being hit on the head with high heeled boots, OUCH, rape, molestation, his hands on me, letters written to me from blackmail,damn I should have kept those letters but no I was young and stupid and still am. I'm an awful person, i wasn't born an awful person but society has had that effect on me. I gave you all, you gave me none. I tried so hard all my life to fit in and now I don't want to fit in, I've found myself and it's only myself I try to impress now. But damn PTSD and flashbacks are making me mildly unstable.

    I am putting my hands in the air and saying yes I do need support, even a hug to show you care would be amazing.
  2. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    100 hugs for you Lynn. you're not an awful person and im sure there is a thousand people just here who will back me up saying that. im sorry this is hurting you so much right now. send me a message if u want to talk
    3 people like this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I was laying down in bed and out of nowhere comes memories from 12-14 years ago. Just fell from the sky out of no-where and I started crying hard and confided my older sister who comforted me, thank you for being there for me.
    I can still hear the words as I could that day ''im going to kick you every time I see you today''
    More and more of my hair is falling out due to stress but don't wanna see the doctor again unless its urgent and I have to. She prescribed lamisil over the phone to put on my scalp, I don't know if it's working or not.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2015
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hugs Petal. You're not an awful person. You're loving and caring.
    2 people like this.
  5. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    Big hugs for you Petal.

    I'm so sorry that it even affect your self esteem. You are one of my favorite person in the world. You are great.
    2 people like this.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hey hon, I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I would give you big hugs, but beware of my cold :p Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. I am always around if you need to talk. :)
    2 people like this.
  7. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

  8. Tom.p

    Tom.p Member

    How can you a awful person when you are helping me through my own shit your a wonderful. Person PTSD effects me also lots of hugs and thank you for your continued support xx
    2 people like this.
  9. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    2 people like this.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you all.
    Today is one of those days the PTSD is affecting me,I am so anxious right now that I cannot even eat. I have just taken phenergan to try and take the edge off, it's full on anxiety and I am going to get a panic attack very soon like I did yesterday and the day before, fuck. Images flashing around in my mind non stop..ok i don't like to be a drama queen but the panic attack is nearly here.
  11. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Petal PSTD is hard to deal with. You can deal with it. One day at a time. Be strong and take care.
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thanks for the text messsgae, I really appreciate it, it made me smile.

    I did have a panic attack but I dealt with it safely thanks to the peeps in chat and here. I love you guys. Ye are amazing and a life saver. Thank you for beinbg there for me. The phenergan seems to have helped a bit too!
    2 people like this.