Fuck you

[Axiom]

And your FAKE HAPPYNESS! Talking to myself is better than talking to you! And I have no idea what to talk about but DAMNIT. ?!!?

But im happy youre finding moments to be happy. Ill leave because IM NOT HAPPY. But atleast youre trying. ID ONT CARE. I want to TALK about darker deeper things. Instead of a fucking smiley. We just dont mix. It's not an insult, it's just a lack of momentary mixing between us. Leave you to it. Im used to swirling along in my head.

 

[absolution]

Wow. Not really sure what to say but if you need to talk you can PM me anytime. Just, sometimes people use smileys (I assume you are talking about one of these guys :lone because they don't know what else to say. I promise I wont if you decide you want to chat.

 

[Axiom]

owhr no one take that personally. Im really happy some find happyness in it. I might even. But not right now. seeing them wants me to smash my head into a wall repeatidly, only because Ill feel some pain and some sense of reality for a split second instead of a bubbly world of projected happyness through the click of a button.

Thanks for the offer. I have no idea what I want to talk about. xxx

 

[absolution]

owhr no one take that personally. Im really happy some find happyness in it. I might even. But not right now. seeing them wants me to smash my head into a wall repeatidly, only because Ill feel some pain and some sense of reality for a split second instead of a bubbly world of projected happyness through the click of a button.

Thanks for the offer. I have no idea what I want to talk about. xxx

I understand what you mean. Sometimes I want to find a way to disable them. But, guiltily, sometimes I NEED them. lol.

If you something comes to mind shoot me a PM.

 

[Axiom]

Not one for direct communication on here tbh. I hear you though. For all my bitching, I use smilies alot as Im talking. But I use them to elevate a paragraph's tone in key points. Not spam the fuck out of my brain.

Thanks again for the posts and offer. I appricate it x

 

[absolution]

Not one for direct communication on here tbh. I hear you though. For all my bitching, I use smilies alot as Im talking. But I use them to elevate a paragraph's tone in key points. Not spam the fuck out of my brain.

Its alright.

Did this happen in chat? Sometimes people do that in there. Just wondering

 

[Axiom]

Nah it's not that important. It's trivial at best. Just wanted to vent, but I dont think I needed to.

 

[sunshinesblack]

some people here r just trolls more than anything if u ask me

 

[Axiom]

Tbh ive not met a troll here xx

 

[Obnoxiously_Pretentious]

Yeah, I understand what you mean. Sometimes they work well to indicate tone, but some people just abuse the crap out of them! There should be a 1 'smiley' per post limit.

 

[Kaos General]

Just, sometimes people use smileys (I assume you are talking about one of these guys :lone because they don't know what else to say.

And this line of thinking is whats wrong. A reply with a smiley actually is about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Its not a reply, so whats the point? I mean seriously when someone just uses :hugtackles: :wink: :sad: :mhmm: :dry: thats not anyone saying anything supportive or helpful, its not even acknowledging someone is in pain. Im sorry but if the only thing you can think of is to use a smiley then whats the point in replying to someone? Whats wrong with i hear you, i understand etc?

 

[absolution]

And this line of thinking is whats wrong. A reply with a smiley actually is about as much use as a chocolate teapot. Its not a reply, so whats the point? I mean seriously when someone just uses :hugtackles: :wink: :sad: :mhmm: :dry: thats not anyone saying anything supportive or helpful, its not even acknowledging someone is in pain. Im sorry but if the only thing you can think of is to use a smiley then whats the point in replying to someone? Whats wrong with i hear you, i understand etc?

I guess not EVERY emote would be someone not knowing what to say. I get what you mean Wayne. Just my opinion

 

[Axiom]

not ealated but im a dumb fucking drunk and freak of a person but im still trying to live trying to figure ways out of ways of chaniging myself so i can atleats talk to you people just so i cna i donno. who cares i guess, soloist iti s sruviving damn spelling!

 

[Kaos General]

I guess not EVERY emote would be someone not knowing what to say. I get what you mean Wayne. Just my opinion

Im talking about when thiers a post with no words just an emote

 

[Axiom]

Doesn't happen that often I find here. But I know what you mean, when you have a moment when you can open up to something that normally is closed, and you get happyness and smilies, it can be very discouraging as far as seeking help goes. Though I can rationally make sure that even if I get a smiley or 10, that it wont make me concreate a view about talking to other people or expressing how i feel.

Still narks me off sometimes

 

[doityourself]

Hi there, I hope your days are treating you better, I do hope that you get comfortable enough to talk here.

But I do disagree if I can on the smilies, sometimes I put up a smilie, because I dont know what to say to make that person feel better, but want them to know that I read thier post, that may be a wrong thing to do but I see so many threads that dont get any posts and just want that person to know that Im here if they want to talk.

 

[Axiom]

it wasn't on a forum, it was in a chat. And it's complicated and slightly screwed to be honest.

Yeah I suppose im getting more comfortable to talk. The problem is, the more I talk, the more I get intouch with myself, and the more realities I become aware of how much of a failure i am, which begins to cripple me. Even here, .. but this place isn't so bad. But im slowly loseing Oh well, im still going I donno. Ill write something about this later, I cant right now. Gf's about, and im hiding from her now. Cause she just fucking pisses me off. So inconsistant and irritating, and she just constantly reminds me of my own failings, not by literally doing it, but I see them everytime im around, and in everything I cant do.

Stopping till later. I want to bitch cause it's a downward spiral for me. Atleast I feel alert and awake when i hurt.

Above all, please don't use this thread to bash eachother. I am just a pissed off person, and I have moments. I don't want indirectly start a firestorm of people targeting others for an attempted expression. If this keeps happening, why the hell would I continue to post here? No one can win can they, can't disagree without fear of me attacking them, can't agree with me without fear of me attacking them. Meh.. as the title goes

FUCK
YOU

ps, more than likely im talking to myself and not anyone here. Again, <-- im mentally fucked up. But thanks for posting in here everyone, even though it's a horrible thread, I appricate the posts from people, and understand when people say it pisses them off to get a smiley responce. And I understand the people who post the smiley responces. I get both sides. Dont fight please..

 

[doityourself]

no fighting from me, just wanted to throw that in there just in case it wasnt thought of.


I also get so much anger in me, get so tired of this world, waking up period, but we cant live our lives by anger cause it will eat us up.

When you come home from an angry day you feel so drained so tired, so the cycle of self beating continues. I know when Ive had a esp shitty day I tend to get mad, cause nothing ever changes, same old routine all the time, get so angry that I tell myself that over and over again.

Then I start, yea my life will never change cause I suck and all I can think of is feeling bad, making wrong decisions, hurting others, its always me, me, me, then I get mad cause why does the attention always has to be on me.

Sometimes I just cant win, and trying even gets me mad.



Anyway, Im glad that your here and hope that you continue to let things out.

Ever tried journaling, there is a place here you can do that where noone can post in it, just a place to vent, post your thoughts and feelings without worrying what others will say.

 

[Axiom]

I know where you're coming from with the overwhelming feeling of anger and the submission of who we are to it's mentality. Sometimes instead of being who we are, it puts a mask on us that manipulates everything coming in and going out, and swirling inside our heads and hearts. I've got that more or less under control cause i know when I feel like that, so I make intensify or I subdue it with stuff like, once everything is smashed and destroyed and Im still standing, what next? Who do Iwant to be. Do I want to become that person by submitting to my aggression and moving forward off of it's limited understanding and perceptional gaze and expression. ect ect
I love anger though. Fuck me it feels so nice, but once that high is gone.. im lower for feeling it. And even, sometimes feels nice. Among the other limitless feelings and combination of.

Na I try not to post journals. I dont want people to read my stuff except for what i want to post in the moment. Idont want anyone to know me, which is working really well. Which in itself is like a blade in my legs But despite the isolation, it's a freedom from the shit that people will bring into my life, and most importantly the shit and depression I will bring into their lives. Even here, fuck getting to know people. Im trying for some stupid reason, but at the same time Im stopping it. Too many friendly people, too many... fragile people. Im too abusive and direct but I dont leap, I walk step by step, which can be, in the wrong instances very bad for certain people. So I try to stay away, yet Im not for some reason. It's confusing, I bet it's hormones or something cause even though I want people to understand me, Ifucking hate it when people say they understand me cause they dont. But you know that feeling, when you wish someone could udnerstand you, care about you ect.

Ill find that somewhere else not here, not with a friend. Ill find it with someone who knows how to play in a boundary of care, so I can play in that boundary with a release of what they can understand and play with. The rest of me.. is extremely destructive. lol atleast my ego thinks so More so my worrysome side.

It's ok though. I guess. The compassion of people is a secondary issue to my own issues. Cause you cant be there when im alone, just your echo. And at the end, i wouldnt live for anyone, so id rip your echo to whatever construct i wished to use. When Im alone. When im with, you're you and i wouldnt change you. I dont know where im going with this post. probably another thread killer. Thank god I confuse the hell out of people. I hate it so much, but it's like, my only saving grace to be me, and do what i want to do i suppose.

xx

 

[doityourself]

Yep I know what you mean, you just say it so much better, with a almost storytelling feeling.

I also feed into my anger, let it bubble up then it boils over, I do try to stop it, cause I hate that part of me, I am not that person, all it does it hurt others, and the guilt of that tortures me.

I to keep people at a arms length, not because I dont think others wont understand me, its more of Im bored with life kinda thing, really I dont want to go out and drink, I dont want to go to movies, and I dont find things funny as easily as others my age. Ive seen to much, heard to much, felt way to much to be any fun anymore.

But I choose to have children, I also choose to get married, so I cant let myself get out of control, I have to keep check on all emotions because its not fair to them to be the bystanders of my childhood misery or even my insanity adultness, if that makes any sense.

Either way dont feel alone, there are alot of us like you, that feel like you do. No I may not understand you but there are times I dont even understand myself either, where it all comes from and what will make it all go away, if there is even a such thing.

I to have met alot of great people here and I hope that you continue to open up a little to let us in, even if its just to read what you post.

Hope today has been better than yesterday.