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Fuck you :)

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#1
Okay.. I'm pissed off. I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling like I'm constantly in the wrong. I'm sick of being lied to, of people making promises they have no bloody intention of keeping. I'm furious that people don't see their actions as a complete mind fuck, and I'm livid that I keep believing their bullshit. I never professed to be perfect, and I never will say that, because I am a complete fuck up, and I make many mistakes. But by the same token, I also know that I try my best. But what is the point when that keeps getting thrown in my face? I make the effort and you don't even seem to care. Despite the whole 'you're my closest friend, you mean so much to me, I really care about you'. How can people spew such lies, with complete ease? I know I'm a fuck up, okay? I've got that. I know that I can't even talk to people in person because of my anxieties. I know that I attach to people easily, and crave love and kindness. And I have got to the stage where I fucking WARN people about how awful I am. I give them the chance to walk away, by telling them of how I am. How I react. What I feel. Because I think it's unfair to ensnare someone, without them knowing the facts. So I try and do the decent thing, although it shits me up every fucking time, because it's not the greatest feeling for the ego when you pinpoint every bad fault you have, and you know there is a good chance people will leave. I tell them about my abandonment issues, how sometimes I need a bit of reassurance. I give them plenty of forewarning so they can extricate themselves out of my life. But apparently.. false promises is way better. Building me up to let me fall is apparently MUCH preferable to being fucking honest. Well fuck you. And I swear to God, people wonder why I can't trust, why I can't reach out?? Hahahahaha. It's a fucking joke. I'm better off keeping myself to myself. That way no fucker can hurt me. So.. maybe I owe you a thank you? For just reiterating to me what complete bastards the human race can be. Cheers for that.
 
#3
Just.. everything. People lying to me, or making me feel guilty, or talking about me, or not giving a shit when they said they would. So sick of it. I can tell it's affecting me pretty badly, I'm starting to see things which I know aren't there, and that only happens when I'm very bad. Not quite sure what to do.. I hate this. No one cares though :sad: and I sound like a self pitying fool. Gah.

:hug: for you
 

tweetypie

Antiquities Friend
#5
BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ill get em all for u !! ill tie em up and bop em on head wiv a timmy mallet they dont deserve to breathe the same air as u !!!!!!!! Me love u lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng time !! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ((((( squish )))))
 
#6
Okay.. I'm pissed off. I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling like I'm constantly in the wrong. I'm sick of being lied to, of people making promises they have no bloody intention of keeping. I'm furious that people don't see their actions as a complete mind fuck, and I'm livid that I keep believing their bullshit. I never professed to be perfect, and I never will say that, because I am a complete fuck up, and I make many mistakes. But by the same token, I also know that I try my best. But what is the point when that keeps getting thrown in my face? I make the effort and you don't even seem to care. Despite the whole 'you're my closest friend, you mean so much to me, I really care about you'. How can people spew such lies, with complete ease? I know I'm a fuck up, okay? I've got that. I know that I can't even talk to people in person because of my anxieties. I know that I attach to people easily, and crave love and kindness. And I have got to the stage where I fucking WARN people about how awful I am. I give them the chance to walk away, by telling them of how I am. How I react. What I feel. Because I think it's unfair to ensnare someone, without them knowing the facts. So I try and do the decent thing, although it shits me up every fucking time, because it's not the greatest feeling for the ego when you pinpoint every bad fault you have, and you know there is a good chance people will leave. I tell them about my abandonment issues, how sometimes I need a bit of reassurance. I give them plenty of forewarning so they can extricate themselves out of my life. But apparently.. false promises is way better. Building me up to let me fall is apparently MUCH preferable to being fucking honest. Well fuck you. And I swear to God, people wonder why I can't trust, why I can't reach out?? Hahahahaha. It's a fucking joke. I'm better off keeping myself to myself. That way no fucker can hurt me. So.. maybe I owe you a thank you? For just reiterating to me what complete bastards the human race can be. Cheers for that.
I'm truly sorry you're feeling bad I can relate on some level especially on the part that I bolded... Some people can easily over look their own misdeeds while highlighting yours... Basically overlooking or subconsciously denying their own "evil" and looking for everything culpable or wrong in you or others.

Even worse when others look for things culpable in others therefore they feel justified in being unscrupulous and evil themselves if someone has done something they feel blameworthy. They rationalize their evil acts in some convoluted vigilante sense. It's like their totally out of touch with this shadow side.
 
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#7
Lalalucy - :wub: you too :hug: <3

Shadowww - you'll need to bop a LOT of peoples.. I'd get more than one mallet if I were you! Me love you longer time xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ((((((squish))))))

Light - I completely agree with you. It's disgusting that that is how most people act. People do not understand how their actions have consequences, and seem to want to do as they please. I am sorry that you can relate to this. You seem to have a good understanding about the logistics behind it though.. I hope this offers you small comfort.

I'm.. okay now. Past 24 hours have been pretty horrific. I've calmed down a little bit, which I can tell most by how I'm not seeing things as much at the moment, a big relief. I'm still pretty pissed at people, who hold no regards for others. I'm hurt that I get seen as the bad guy, when people are well aware of my many flaws. I'm shocked that the fact people are adults seem to be dismissed as they act like they are back in the playground. And I'm pissed off with myself for allowing myself to fall again and again. Only this time, no one is there to catch me.
 

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#8
sending you :hugtackles::hugtackles: cos I know what you're going through
I'm having the exact same problems at the moment
 
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