Okay.. I'm pissed off. I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling like I'm constantly in the wrong. I'm sick of being lied to, of people making promises they have no bloody intention of keeping. I'm furious that people don't see their actions as a complete mind fuck, and I'm livid that I keep believing their bullshit. I never professed to be perfect, and I never will say that, because I am a complete fuck up, and I make many mistakes. But by the same token, I also know that I try my best. But what is the point when that keeps getting thrown in my face? I make the effort and you don't even seem to care. Despite the whole 'you're my closest friend, you mean so much to me, I really care about you'. How can people spew such lies, with complete ease? I know I'm a fuck up, okay? I've got that. I know that I can't even talk to people in person because of my anxieties. I know that I attach to people easily, and crave love and kindness. And I have got to the stage where I fucking WARN people about how awful I am. I give them the chance to walk away, by telling them of how I am. How I react. What I feel. Because I think it's unfair to ensnare someone, without them knowing the facts. So I try and do the decent thing, although it shits me up every fucking time, because it's not the greatest feeling for the ego when you pinpoint every bad fault you have, and you know there is a good chance people will leave. I tell them about my abandonment issues, how sometimes I need a bit of reassurance. I give them plenty of forewarning so they can extricate themselves out of my life. But apparently.. false promises is way better. Building me up to let me fall is apparently MUCH preferable to being fucking honest. Well fuck you. And I swear to God, people wonder why I can't trust, why I can't reach out?? Hahahahaha. It's a fucking joke. I'm better off keeping myself to myself. That way no fucker can hurt me. So.. maybe I owe you a thank you? For just reiterating to me what complete bastards the human race can be. Cheers for that.