I'm now becoming one of those annoying people who post and there is nothing anyone can say to change things. I'm sorry for that. It does add to my self hate so don't worry. Been writing suicide notes today. I'm stuck in a process I don't want to be stuck in. I'm going through all this. I was so desperate to be ok, I tried so hard and I failed. that desperation to be ok does not leave, but yet now there is no hope and no more options. I don't have any choice in this anymore, there are no other options other than death. I just wish there were.