fucked up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by blue shoes, Mar 25, 2008.

  1. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    i lost my last friend today. i knew he didn't feel sympathy for me, i just amuzed him but still, to me he was a friend and he was tghe only one i still said vague things to. now i am all alone.
    last week i lost the petrson who i trusted the most, he hurt me very bad.
    i'm all alone.
    grandma is sick. i am worried like hell about that.
    i keep haviong nightmares about grandpa who died few years ago. Today i woke up around 4-30, because i was dreaming that he was beating me and grandma with a garden hose. and in my dream he did it because my grand-grandma was telling him to do it. and i am starting to believe things again, like that they are here and wanting to harm us, i know it sounds stupid but after so many nightmares of basically the same thing i just start thinking maybe it means something. lik maybe that's why grandma is feeling sick.
    ah. i feel so lost and panicked and i see stuff, i am total;ly losing it, and now i don't have like ANYONE to tell.
    i keep thinking how to harm myself, i do have a way but it's so unhealty, and i was thinking lately, maybe cutting is healthier trham that, even if i don't want to do ity because of the scars.
    i don't know. i'm so lost. panicked all the time. afraid, hurt. ALONE.
    but with a certain someone's logic i whould be shutting up and be thankful cos i have it so good next to other people out there. maybe he is right. fuck me if i know anything anymore.
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hey wow I'm really sorry :hug: if you ever need to talk, just pm me. I'm really sorry you lost your friend and about your grandma and that you feel so alone.
    Nightmares are really horrible....I know! :sad:
    Don't cut yourself! You're right you do get horrible scars and it adds extra stress trying to cover them up and feeling even more alone and apart from most people. It's not the right way way to deal with your feelings. Try and talk to people on here or anyone else you can.
    And don't listen to that person who told you to 'shut up' and that your problems don't mean much. It's not what the problem is, it's how it effects the person. And I can tell that you feel really terrible at this point.
    :hug: pm if you want to talk, anytime.
  3. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    thank you, means a lot to get a reply :hug:
    i PMed you