fucked up

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by WarpedNTwisted, Oct 9, 2011.

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  1. Guys I'm really fucked up..I realized tonight that I'm broken, way more than I ever thought I could be. I can't stop thinking/obsessing about death and planning my suicide constantly. I don't want to be here anymore or at least 99% of me doesn't, the other 1 percent is trying to live, it just can't, I feel so overwhelmed and all I want to do is cut like crazy until I simply can't feel anymore, and everything's just floating away. I don't want to burden anyone, especially all of you here, you all have been so kind and so willing to listen to me, I can't thank you guys enough for that. I'm sorry I'm so weak I just can't hide my feelings anymore.
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Laura, Are you going to be OK? :( :hug:
     
  3. I don't know at this point. I'm trying to survive as best as I can but right now it just feels like too much
     
  4. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Instead of cutting, try to draw on your arms, or wherever you SH. I did that with my friend and seemed to help him.
     
  5. should i be honest with my therapist tomorrow about the suicide pact i entered into and tell him about the abuse i went through as a child? i've been hiding it for so long due to the fear that he'll hospitalize me but i'll never get better if i keep hiding it right?
     
  6. meta4

    meta4 New Member

    A therapist can only help you if you're honest. If you can't trust your therapist, find another one asap. Some styles of therapy can help you without you having to share any specific details, such as EMDR or Lifespan Integration.

    Always remember that suicide is a metaphor. It is not meant to be taken literally. Your mind is telling you that something needs to die, but it's not you. Your poetry is beautiful, so it is clear that you understand the use of metaphor quite well. Because you are such a poet, your mind is using your life and your physical body as a metaphor for the pain. When you allow yourself to kill off the part of your ego that must die, then you will see things in a new way. I've seen miracles. You can be free from this pain. A suicide pact is merely another metaphor. Don't let it define you. Your worth so much more.
     
  7. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    If you really want to get better, then I would tell him. Also, I would never join a suicide pact. Don't put your life in other peoples hands. It's scary to think that you could be hospitalized (that's what stopped me from telling my therapist), but if you really want to get better, then its worth it.
     
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