Fuckin help me!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by tappa, Feb 15, 2011.

  1. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    I on the verge of tears 24.7
    Someone please help me.
    I cant do this anymore.
    Im so fucked.
    You cant help me
    I have to help me.
    But i dont know how.
    Im getting docs and meds and therapy and councillin and support. but nothing helps.
    I jus wana tear myself apart bit by bit and die in a crumbling heap.
    I dont want life. Reached that point a long time ago and cant handle this anymore.
    Getting better can take decades and i have only been like this for about 4 years.
    Someone please save me from this hell.

    :blub: :depressed: :blub: :depressed: :blub: :depressed: :blub: :depressed: :blub: :depressed:
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I wish I could hun. I'm in the exact same place. All the professionals telling me I have the tools. But I keep asking for any one of them to show me or teach me how to use them. I either never knew or have forgotten. They all the same reply, "we cant teach you, you just have to know how". It makes me so damn frustrated!!!!! Keep posting. Please. Maybe we can help one another or teach one another something that will pull us through this black hole we are stuck in. :arms:
     
  3. SeperatedOne

    SeperatedOne Active Member

    I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. I know how it feels, if you need anyone to talk to please don't hesitate to emaij me, emiliamarie@live.com

    *hugs*
    Xo
     
  4. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Im sorry that you both are feeling like this too because its unbearable! Yea my docs and support are pretty good but apparently its my head that has to change and its a slow process. SLOW?! Piss off then i dont want slow, when they cant garantee how long or even IF it will get better, just that it will 'slightly'.
    Im quite contempt with giving up now thanks so wish they'd stop stopping me if they cant fix it. And i know im basically asking for some kind of miracle cure but i havent got the time nor strength for anything else so i guess im truly fucked :)
    Anyways im sure you have reasons for feeling this way (i dont have a reason my head just gt more and more negative until everyday is a living hell) I really hope u can get the cure u need.
     
  5. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    It is in these times when the world crashes in on us, and we somehow find the strength to keep breathing. That we find out just how strong our will, and our resolve to become more then we currently are is. You along with everyone else here shows their strength by the mere fact of their presents. You will find the strength to carry on, to keep striving toward peace. When you need help on that journey, you have many here who is willing to help you up from the floor. :)
     
  6. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    But people here cant help, not really. They can support me but they cant change things. I need things to change
     
  7. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    tappa, it took me sooo many years to get to where you are, knowing that you have to change to feel the change,

    Its hard, super hard, I know the thoughts can be overwhelming, can take over, get yourself up and out of the house, go for a walk, hell run until you cant run anymore.

    Turn the music way up and start cleaning, scrub bathtub, mop floors.

    What Im saying is that you have to start reworking your brain when these emotions come up, thats the hard part, finding things to do.

    What kind of hobbies do you have, ever go bike riding or hiking. These are the things that help me the most, being in the woods with complete silence is so overpowering for me, it feels like this warmth comes over me, but Im a nature girl, love camping and all that stuff.

    Im here if you want to talk, or vent, just let it out, okay. Take a deep breathe and realize how much youve moved forward, sometimes its so hard to see, but your doing great(I know it doesnt feel that way), keep up the good fight.
     
  8. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Hahahaha trust me i havent moved forward, for the last year i've just been following instructions from people going to councillors and such and meds and all tht. but none of it had helped and everyday i wake up so sad that im still around.
    Anyway...hobbies, i used to love any kind of activity, i used to play football (soccer) and do karate. but loved any kind of exercise. and dont worry i love the outdoors and wildlife and such. but now i jus dont have the motivation for the effort anymore.
    I wana die SO bad anything else is such an effort it seems impossible.
    So i quit my footie and karate a long time ago and i actually used to be pretty good at them but now i've piled on so much weight and lack of fitness i couldnt go back unless i sorted myself out.
    Random u say u love camping, if u want to give me a vw campervan by all means do! (it used to b my dream car - when i had dreams lol)
    I'd love to run til i can run no more but i cant get the effort to put one foot infront of the other when it comes to exercise i just look at myself and cry. I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in a couple weeks yesterday and i cried ... drowned my sorrows by eating myself stupid....i hate myself so much.
    The funniest bit is, i only looked at my back (stood facing away from the mirror and turned my head!) my back fat alone made me feel tht hideous! Im vile.
    I cut deep into my leg yesterday evening to make me feel better and it did. How sad is it that i cant help myself and do exercise, but i can cut the shit into my own body. Yesterdays self harm is probably my highlight of the week. Haaha im so pathetic.
     
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi T and please know you are cared for and valued...it does take time to begin to understand the journey we have to take to feel better, and you can feel proud and brave of the efforts you are making...you are right that no body can change you other than yourself, but others can surely make the journey easier...Please PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs and please keep on the path...J