Fucking A

I hate Keybords... I really od.. I had a whole rant put out and then POOOF.. Fucking thing left.. And the Space Bar Is crap...


Well simply put i am gonna kill myself while at Jobcorps.. Blah blah blah, Tell Ivy to talk to me, send her an E-mail or whatever.. Yeah, i am not gonna repeat myself... So yeah, See you in heaven, hell or in a straight jacket people ^^

 

Maybe you want to end up in a straight jacket and maybe you feel that you are too well for such a thing and that you really would like the realease of being looked after, somewhere you can be yourself and not get hurt.

I know it's scary having to fend for yourself but it's something we all have to do at some point, it really would be nice if we didn't have to grow up but unfortunately time forces us to march forward all the time or fall by the way side and sometimes it's just nice to be carried some of the way/

 

Its not so much i want to kill myself there or have a fear of having to fend for myself, but i am SICK of all the DRAMA and BULLSHIT that i am going through..

Ok, in the little group of friends (Yes, the same infamous one that has been mentioned throughout the site) Basicly i play the role of Father, and my GF plays the role of Mother. SImple, no?

Ok, here is the problem; Kids now hate mommy, and bitch to ME about it, daddy. Mommy is pissed at Kids and bitches at ME daddy, for it. Now i have gotten really attached to this group, so i am torn between them... But thats not even the worst part

I would have to say the worst part is the fact that they have been RUNNING AWAY like.. 5 or 6 times each this month and its driving me insane!! You parents out there know what i am talking about. Knowing if they are alright, breathing, warm, fed, happy, etc etc.

(Names have been altered.)
Mya loves me, like intimatly, and itsnot a bad thing. I care about her deeply too. But then she always tells me how hard it is to love me and yadda yadda. Then this new guy comes along, and its ALL she can talk about! I know I am jealous, but thats not the point. I am just getting things out

Sandy is also another run away, who has pissed me off numerous times. I can't say a whole lot about her other then she expects her girlfriend to be faithful to her, but then pulls off some of the sleeping around she does..

Morgan She is basicly like a goth kid sorta person, only a little scarier. But she used to love me like Mya does (Maybe not in the same quantity, but you get the picture) but now apparently she hates me because i have "Mind Control" Soo that pisses the hell outta me

Patti Ok like seriously... All she talks about is running away like its something cool to be doing. And she doesn't seem to get that she has little to run from etc etc etc.

Ok, so now you know some of the basics. 4 girls 1 idea and a fuckload of stress on daddy... It seems like they don't care at all about me, or what I feel, but when I say that, it seems like I don't care about them, so its hard to do much but stomach the pain, and put a fucking smile on.

I tried to talk to them today, i explained my side of the story, and all they could say was, "Well we were so happy when we ran away, and blah blah blah" and it was like they didn't even register that I had said ANY of it!

And then we kept talking for awhile, and eventually I got so fed up with them saying how hard things are i just said, "Some times the hardest thing is to let go!" at which point i walked away, and they made me stop, wait up, and spent the next 40 yards making me feel worse... when i eventually left. Then after school Mya acted like nothing had even happened!!!

I swear, i can't take this anymore, I can slowly feel my insides tearing themselves apart... I am not one to cry, I hardly ever do it. And this is the first time in years i have. Granted now everyone who reads this part will just think i am some whiny emo kid, but thats not the case.

Yes, i have good parents, yes i have a nice home, yes i lead a pretty normal life, but this is whats killing it!

I'd write more but i have to get a towel, and the screen is to blurry... Its kinda like in that song by 98 degrees i think "Hardest Thing"

"Its the hardest thing i'll ever have to do, to turn around and walk away, pretending i don't love you."

Stay tuned for more updates.. i guess.. God i sound Emo... Somone just shoot me now.