Fucking asshole!! *Trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sakura, May 23, 2007.

  1. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    The fucking asshole cut off the internet access in the house, so now the only way that I can get online is by going to the local library, which is where I'm at now.

    I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do...

    I need this website...

    Without this place, and without you all here to support me...I don't know how the hell I'm going to make it...

    I want to cry, but I can't because I'm surrounded by a bunch of people that I don't know, and I don't want them thinking that I'm crazy...even if I already think that I am...

    THE FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! I'M A GERMAPHOBE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!! YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE ALREADY KNOW THAT!!! BU DO YOU ALL FUCKING CARE!!! NO!!! The fucking septic tank in the fucking bathroom somehow backs up, and fucking overflows, and instead of making your precious son clean it up, you turn to me...the niece you dislike and despise...AND EXPECT ME TO FUCKING CLEAN UP THAT FUCKING DISGUSTING MESS!!!

    I CANT FUCKING DO THAT!!! DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT!! DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT!!! I...AM...A...MOTHERFUCKING GERMAPHOBE!!! I CAN'T FUCKING CLEAN, MUCH LESS GO NEAR THAT FUCKING BATHROOM!!!!!! AND SO AS A PUNISHMENT YOU CUT OFF THE FUCKING INTERNET!!!

    AND IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING THROW ME OUT...AGAIN!!...THEN GO THE FUCK AHEAD!! I'LL FUCKING KILL MYSELF BEFORE YOU CAN THROW THE FIRST PIECE OF MY BELONGINGS OUT THE FUCKING DOOR!!!

    God...why do I have to put up with so much...I'm trying...honest to God...I'm trying so...fucking...hard to make it...but it's like the harder I try...the harder it gets, and the more obstacles and challenges I get thrown in front of me...I just can't deal with it anymore...last night I took out my sleeping pills, and the alcohol again...and I had to just sit there...for a good part of the night...just trying to talk myself out of just ending it all right there and then...and I was so fucking close to just doing it...and I felt so...alone...there was no one I could call...no one I could talk with online, because the asshole had already cut off the internet...I'm just spiraling down further and further, and I can't seem to make myself stop. And I absolutely HATE being like this! I hate being...for the lack of a better word...emo. I want to be the one who helps other people...and I used to be...now I feel so pathetic and useless...and I...*sardonic laugh*...well it looks as if I'm out of time here at this library...this just fucking sucks...I don't know how I'm going to survive at all without you all there to help support me...I feel so lost already...god...I don't know what I'm going to do now...goodbye...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2007
  2. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    sakura, we're here for you regardless. please be strong for yourself. please. you do help, and you need help too. try another avenue of getting online. there are ways of getting here.
    sorry about your family situation.:( hope it gets better.
     
  3. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug:
     
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    :hug: At least you do still have access, even if it does have to be at the library. :( We'll still be here, if you were in the UK I'd offer to give you my number (of course, you don't need to take it but I wouldn't want you feeling alone) but considering you're in the US I don't think that would work. If you ever want a chat though I am here. Take care of yourself. You can get through this. :hug:
     
  5. Tara

    Tara Guest

    :hug::hug::hug:

    oh :( im so sorry to here that. i *think* i know how you feel, i'd go nuts without my net! it was bad enough for a week when the puter went to the shop!

    But as said, at least you can get to us, if you really need to. the only thing is you're restricted to opening/closing times.

    I hope you can get through this. we're all here for you when you need us/when you can get to us :arms:

    what about a friends/relatives house you could go to, to use the net? phone web? *thinks*
    i hope theres a way you can get to us if you need us. or if theres at least another method of coping you can use, without harming yourself.

    stay well :arms:
     
  6. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I hope you're okay hunny :hug:
     
  7. Sakura

    Sakura Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone...you all keep me sane :hug:

    And thanks for making the offer Res...that alone made all the difference to me...that you'd be willing to do that for me...thank you :hug:

    And I'm working on a way to get online again, so that I can chat with you all like I used to...I miss you all something awful :cry:

    :rose:
     
  8. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    hugs you sak
    can i help......
    hope speak soon
    loves sarahg