Fucking disgusting..

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Blah., Aug 30, 2007.

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  1. Blah.

    Blah. Guest

    This loneliness will never go away. I can't stand myself. I can't stand this. I'm a failure in every single way possible. I hate the internet. I hate my fucking pathetic life. I hate this feeling of complete isolation, this feeling that will never be filled because I'm so scared of people. I'm like a scared rabbit and I'm attracted to other scared rabbits and we get nowhere because we just run far far away from each other. Fuck. I'm disgusting. There's something wrong with me. That's why nobody wants to know. I'm just disgusting. I don't want to die but I think I may die out of pure accident or the only way I can survive or cope with things. I don't want to die. I'm so alone and all I want is a hug. Nobody cares, nobody cares just nobody fucking cares....
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I care, talk to me and I'll listen. I certainly don't think you are disgusting. Your fear and being in isolation doesn't make you disgusting. If you're disgusting then I am too because I also have a social phobia, I can understand your frustration and the feeling of being trapped within yourself. It's all about small steps. Have you tried therapy? It could help you with the social situations. Sorry if I'm not making much sense, pretty tired but I wanted to reply to you. Take care of yourself and am here if you want to talk. :hug:
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    feel free to pm me anytime hun..I aint a scared rabbit and will jaw your ears off :smile:
     
  4. Blah.

    Blah. Guest

    Thanks resistence and Terry. You don't need to stay up and talk to me resistence but thanks for your words. It means a lot. I am just feeling increasingly desperate. I am in therapy at the moment. I just feel there's something inherently wrong with me. That everything I do when it comes to interaction makes people run. Or that they know I'm going to damage them. I hate living inside my head. I hate feeling so alone. I hate being ignored. I need to go to sleep now.
     
  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    How long have you been in therapy? Is it helping you? Everyone on this earth is different and some may 'run' but others won't. I haven't, and have no intentions of doing so either. What do you think they run from? You don't seem like a bad person, so I don't see why they would want to run.
     
  6. Blah.

    Blah. Guest

    I've been with this therapist for around 2-3 months. It is helping with other things other than the social anxiety (I seem to be messed up in every single way possible) so we haven't got to the social anxiety part of things yet. I just think people would run because I'm a damaged, disgusting person, like I've got this core of badness inside of me and they know it and can sense it. Thank you for staying and listening to me. I think I should get some rest now.
     
  7. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Maybe you think people are running away from you because you're subconsciously thinking about this 'badness' inside of you. I often get insecure and think people don't like me etc and that's mainly because I don't like myself and I'm paranoid people constantly judge me, and because of this I hate socialising. I'd take a guess and say it's somewhat the same for you too.

    I'm sure people don't take a look at you and run the other way, if you give people the chance they would grow to like you. I know it's hard to form friendships, sometimes we just need to take that leap and hope for the best. I'm glad the therapy is going ok and hopefully you'll reach this issue with your therapist soon. Take care of yourself, hope you feel a little better after your rest. :hug:
     
  8. Blah.

    Blah. Guest

    Thank you for your kind words. xx
     
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