fucking had enough.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Feb 3, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Yes I'm selfish, nasty, pure evil. I'm tired of all this crap, I'm tired of all this shit. I hate my life, I hate the world. I've had enough of it all I want to die now. i've had it. I can't take anymore of this. sorry to all those that tried to help me and I failed, just like everything else in my life,I couldn't do anything right. just one big fat fuck up.
     
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey. you are NOT a f*** up. you are not a piece of crap. ok? hun you are NOT. you are a human being. and you deserve to have a nice life that is happy.

    now i realize right now - that's not happening. but your depression/pain is giving you bad messages - that are not true.

    i know how it feels. when the pain is so bad you just think you'd have to die from it - but can't figure out how your 'body' stays alive, through it!
    i personally cannot believe how much emotional pain i have survived, and my heart just didn't stop from the intensity of it! i am sure our situations are different - but the pain - i certainly ''get'' that.

    please ride this wave - you have some of your ''right'' thinking going on - because you came here. . . just a few minutes ago . . . so stay .try to ride through it - and try to stop replaying that bad tape in your head.

    it isn't true - ok? it just isn't. you can't be evil or bad - because you are cared for! really. that is the truth. you have worth. you have value.
    :hug:
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just wanted to write a brief note to say I care and that we are all so very imperfect in a very messy, chaotic world...big hugs, J
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya. I'm sorry you feel so rough right now. You are not a f**k up, hun. You've made it this far even with the difficult hand you were dealt, so how about staying around so you have the chance of a life with all the good things you deserve so much? (I'd like that for you.) :hug:
     
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Nothin g good ever happens, nothing goes write. It jsut goes wrtong. everything. i'm tired of it all. nightmares, eveything is just a night,are. I don't know why this ody thing keeps going it won't for much longer. i tired of iot all. my mum doesn't care. my fdather doesn't care. I don't care. i needed them they don't care or love me. they don't care. they just don't care. and i don't care aout me.
     
  6. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I am sorry your feeling so crap hun but you are not a f**k up please don't think that about yourself its not true. I care and many others here do :hug:
     
  7. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Sorry things seem so bad for you at the moment. I know how hard it can be but there is help available here at the forum. People here have helped me back from the brink and the same can happen for you. There are people here who care. Please stay safe.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Jody,

    I'm sorry you are feeling so low again :(

    You aren't any of those things hun. You are strong,kind and courageous :hug:

    You also haven't failed, you kept trying and you're still here..stay strong.

    I'm here if you need to talk, anytime. My PM box is always open :arms:

    I hope you feel better soon sweetie xx
     
  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Sorry i shouldn't have sworn like I did, sorry. I just get myself in a mess and don't know how to cope. I can't cope at the moment. My blood count was normal but they said that my other tests need to be read by another doctor before they can tell me what is happening with my body, so now I just panic, I don't want to be told I'm dying because of what i've done, or that my kidney which has always been low on the score thing they use is worse, or my liver which is has already been thru hepatitis, and me drinking very heavy for over 10 years is now giving up. I don't know why being told my organs are damaged scares me but it does and yet its me that has done it. I thought I wanted to die a painful death, that I was in control of how I died, when I died, now that seems to be taken out of my hands and it scares me. I've already taken 24 tablets in one go, I shouldn't have but I paniced and that's how I react. Sorry
     
  10. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    "my mum doesn't care. my fdather doesn't care. I don't care. i needed them they don't care or love me. they don't care. they just don't care. and i don't care aout me."

    it's the last 6 words that frighten me. I wish I knew how to change that way you feel.
    You helped me in this forum over a year ago now, and I've followed your posts since then. I've never met you Jody, and it's unlikely I ever will. But for some reason the thought of this world without you in it saddens me
     
  11. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    I care about you. It might not seem like a big deal that a random interweb guy cares, but it means a lot to me. I know that life is hard, trust me. It still hurts for me, but I'm still alive. It's not easy, trust me.

    Sometimes I debate if I should just kill myself with gas and breathe it in as I sleep, but I don't. I spend the nights crying, praying, and hoping...it might seem dumb to you, but I want to live.

    We were born to live, not to die...have faith.
     
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    No one is pure evil. Even though I don't know you well, I wouldn't call you any of those things you listed.
    No matter who has told you that, or if you've only told yourself, it is not true. You are not nasty or pure evil. Selfishness is fine anyway, especially for someone having suicidal thoughts. You need to be selfish sometimes, but that doesn't mean you're a selfish person.
    I've noticed you've done a few threads in the crisis section. I really hope you're ok. My pm box is always open. :hug:
     
  13. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. i am just crying. . . reading what you have written. . . i don't want you to go - and i am praying for your physical condition to improve.

    i know that you are not 'evil' (trust me. we all are capable of doing evil things. but that does not make us evil . we all can do good things too)

    you deserve a place in this world - and love and friendship and kindness. you deserve it - now claim it. i will stand in the gap and claim your space for you. . . . .

    please stay and let us all help you get through. wont' be easy - nothing WORTHWHILE is ever easy......know that. MY pm box is always open too.
    you have many people here that care about you. please dont' give up - it is tough as hell. but you are tough too. keep going. (please dont' apologize for swearing hun - we understand xxxx :hug:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.