Fucking had it!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by among the stars, Sep 18, 2010.

  1. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    i am so fucking angry tonite, im at my breaking point. i dont think i have ever cursed so many times in chat but at this point i dont give a damn if i get banned then fine. im already screwed over whats one more chatroom and forum that hates me. im not sorry for opening my damn mouth not this time, im sick of the bull crap, im sick of jokes that aint funny, im fucking sick of being taken fucking advantage of and im sick of people not accepting no for an answer, i came in here to talk about something thats bothering the fucking hell outta me but never fucking mind. I dont ever EVER fucking sound off but ive had all i can take. I came into to chat to get some damn fucking help but that aint never gonna happen. 4 nightmares in 5 days, very graphic, mostly suicidal things that i needed to talk about before i kill myself because of it and sure that all sounds so stupid to u BUT ITS NOT TO ME! I CARRY AROUND EVERYONE ELSES SHIT ALL THE TIME. EVERYONE I TALK TO, EVERYONE I HELP I CARRY THEIR SHIT WITH ME AND WHEN I FINALLY BREAK AND NEED THAT ONE ONCE OF RELIEF IT AINT THERE. WHAT WAS SAID IN CHAT WAS TRUE NO ONE IS A MIND READER, BUT BEING MAD FUN OF IS WORSE THAN ANYTHING ANYONE COULD FUCKING DO TO ME RIGHT NOW. IVE GOT FUCKING NO ONE WHO WILL LISTEN! IVE JUST FUCKING HAD IT!!!

    SO IF YOUR GONNA CRITICIZE ME FOR THIS POST THAN DONT EVEN FUCKING ANSWER IT
     
  2. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry hunny. Take some deep breaths. Its nice to let out your feelings, but calm down so you can tell me what you've been trying to talk about to everyone else. I'm here to listen and help as much as I can. You can tell me hun you are safe talking with me.
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're venting..people shouldn't be making fun of anyone on a suicide forum..
    want to talk to us here about the nightmares?
    don't hurt yourself ....
     
  4. among the stars

    among the stars Well-Known Member

    I was away with the family for a few minutes and the nite before we left i had a very vivid memory of my mother, altho the roles were reversed, i was sick and she was there comforting me. I felt her pain as she must have but i also felt her arms embrace me as i have not felt in 3 1/2 years.

    the second nightmare was being chasing my black figures, i have had these type of dreams before, this one was more graphic as i kept seeing mom in pools of blood, everywhere i turned was blood and an image of my mother.

    the third dream i was standing on top of a building there was someone else, someone i didnt kno up on the roof with me and she stood at the edge. she swayed a lil and she went over the edge, i looked over and she laid impaled on something 10 stories down. that dream have more details but i will not say more as they are very graphic.

    the last dream was last nite, it was......all around me people were talking and saying how they wished i would just disappear, that they hated me and that i never should have been born. talking about how they would get rid of me, i flee and go to a place where i felt safe and kill myself (i left those details out as i dont want to give methods)

    I badly need sleep as i havent been sleeping with these dreams but im afraid if i sleep ill have another one, a worse one
     
  5. ASkylitDrive

    ASkylitDrive Well-Known Member

    Its clear most of these dreams represent your guilt and you maybe being outcasted?
    The ones with your mother must be horrible, and I greatly apologize. Just keep remembering they are just dreams, but since they are happening over and over with increased severity, you might want to go talk to someone. I'm doing a bit of study on dream interpretation (I'm wiccan) so if you'd like to pm me more details about each dream then go right ahead, and I'll try as much as I can to talk you through them.

    I want you to know that no one wants you to 'disappear'. You may think so, but you are your own worst enemy. I know I wouldn't want you to disappear, and IV wouldn't either. I understand the anger on this forum as you mentioned in your first post. I use to feel that exact anger. I took a two month break from here and just talked to important people with email, and it helped me. Is there a way you can take a break from here if it is upsetting you?
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    the first dream of your Mother..did you find that was a comfort to you when you woke up?
    Don't they say that dreams are our subconcious way of sorting out the problems we can't solve in waking hours?
    those other dreams must be scarey for you ..maybe talk to your doctor about the dreams and lack of sleep.....and tell him how low youre feeling..
    I know you miss your Mum so much but I believe she's watching over you ..
    keep fighting...*hug*