Fucking tired of being told what I should and shouldn't be doing.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnMisery, Oct 13, 2015.

  1. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    In the beginning of 2015, I lost a shitton of weight (35 pounds in 2-3 months), and granted, I was under-eating in order to get it done faster, but it worked, and I was so much happier with myself than before when I pigged out on whatever I wanted and felt guilty and miserable afterwards. My body got used to it and I wasn't hungry anymore like i used to be and I was fine with it. I still ate lunch and dinner in decent sized portions, just made sure that it was low in calories. And yeah it made a lot of it pretty much flavorless, but I got used to that too eventually. Bottom line, maybe I wasn't doing it in the best of ways, but it was the only way I could do it. Having Borderline Personality means I can't really stick to anything that takes a while to see results. It makes me unmotivated and just not care to continue with it. But losing about 5 pounds per week made me want to keep going. My husband, however, argued with me nonstop about it, until I eventually got sick of dealing with it and stopped. And when i stopped, i started pigging out again and emotionally eating, and gained 10 pounds back. And last week I decided I couldn't take it anymore because I hated looking at myself in the mirror again and started doing it again. And of course, my husband's starting the same bullshit again. Like, I'm not underweight...I'm 115 about right now, and I want to lose 5 more pounds. My husband may be able to eat cookies and doritos every day and not gain a single ounce, but doesn't seem to work that way for me, so I gotta do what I gotta do to keep myself not hating myself and my life, it's that simple. I do it the only way I know how that's making me actually stick to it, and I'm not going to go below 110, so I don't see the issue. So I end up going back and forth between 2 extremes (not eating much, and eating a lot), but guess what, til my BPD decides to go away, that's how it's gonna be cause I can't ever stick to a middle ground with anything. And unless I develop anorexia or something, which I'm not, nobody's really got a right to bitch about it cause I'm not hurting myself. I'm still eating, just not as much, and I'm still at an average weight and BMI and not planning on becoming underweight.
     
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    yeah totally get what you're talking about. I'm worse with myself. I go days without eating if I could get away with it. Right now my family is kind of making sure I am eating something everyday. I get the bitching part. I get the constantly nagging part. It does feel a lot better when I am not eating and feel cleaner in my body system... i do go through pigging out binges right now have been doing sweets 2 weeks nonstop and feel I gained 20. it sucks big time. But I think your husband cares about you.


    People can tell when I am not eating... NOT because of my weight... I'm pale and get the shakes sometimes, I didn't know I looked different when I don't eat for a while someone just told me in the summer. I am trying to figure out how to make it go away. Maybe its not your weight that he's nagging about but how you seem when not eating completely.
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hi AsphyxiateOnMisery, I almost was not going to comment on your post, I am no expert on much but I still believe basic human rights are important, I do not know much about BPD or what it does, there are people in here that can answer to that, I know that I have a weight problem, it is a weight to me in any case, that is important to me. I am a large person I am 6'2" tall I have had my weight fluctuate, When I was Hospitilized I was down to 115, I was emaciated, I had lost between 60 and 75 lbs, i had graduated from high school I weighed about 165-175 my standard weight was about 185 to 195 after I got out of the service, I liked that weight it was comfortable to me, I am 235 now! I consider my self fat I have a belly my clothes no longer fit, I am trying to lose weight.
    I have people tell me I look great, I feel fat! when I was 180, I was told I was skinny, i liked my weight I have kept 180 most of my life. enough about me!
    I know about BMI, I guess that is the ideal weight for a person depending on their height body type, etc, I don't have a chart for that i don't use one, so I can't say what you should or should not be, i can say from myself to you, if you are not Hurting yourself,
    you are not having any health issues, your dr does not have a problem with it and or you are not pregnant, be happy with yourself and weigh what you feel comfortable with, remember I am not an expert, I have not gone to anyone else and asked, I believe that your husband has a problem possibly, he has in my lay mans opinion a control issue, it may be proven from those in the know, I am wrong, I have been wrong on things before, i will be again I am sure, but right now from what i know and from what you have said it is up to you! You know yourself best, it is your body, I believe that you have to do and be where you feel best. I hope that you can find what is best for you, I hope that my opinion does not cause you or anyone else harm or other issues, I wish you the best, be good to yourself


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