Fucking titles - idk - this.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freya, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Massive crash. I feel so so alone. I want to talk to him - really talk to him. I want to tell him how I feel and have him talk me through it and convince me it will be alright. I want to tell him how scared I am and take comfort from knowing someone actually cares. And knowing that he would do that for anyone else in the world but me is so painful I do not know what to do with it.

    I keep telling myself it is okay. It is okay if I never love someone that much again - it is okay if the best I can hope for is some mediocre shadow of that feeling. That is better than nothing. I keep telling myself that sex does not really matter and it doesn't matter if I am never excited or tingly or satisfied again - some intimacy is better than none. I keep telling myself it is okay if nobody ever wants me that way again - if someone some day wants me a little then that is better than nothing.

    I HATE that the best I feel I can hope for is "better than nothing". And I want him to tell me that it is not - that I am wrong - he is the only person in the world I could believe.

    I want to TALK to him. And I can't. Maybe never. And it feels like I am being punished for loving him. For havig the audacity to feel loved - and now it is gone and I can't help but wonder if he just switched it off - decided not to love me anymore and it is gone. And I want to ask him. I need to know. It hurts so much and it feels like I deserve it.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Then ask.
    I know, only too well, what not knowing does to a person, and the damn hope, sometimes hope is the most destructive thing on the planet.
    Having it laid out in black and white is painful, but not half so painful as hanging onto that shred of hope, or spending a lifetime wondering what the hell went wrong.
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am sorry this is going on. I can guarantee you that you do not deserve it, as you said it feels like you do. Do you think that talking about it with him in counselling might be safer feeling? Going to counselling with him? Just so you can have a support person there if you do talk about it with him? Again, I am sorry this is happening. I think you are great. I want you to know as far as I am concerned you deserve someone who appreciates and loves you !!!!!