Well my sixth year in college and youd think I would actually learn something by now... but once again I am on the verge of failing in multiple classes, squandering time when i should be studying, and not being able to concentrate even when i do study. Every time I sit down to read or write something it seems hopelessly complex. It seems like even people that are stupid or drink four nights a week can graduate college, but yet I cant. I guess that makes me even worse than they are. Should have dropped out a long time ago. I picked a major that I no longer have any interest in and a field that I will never work in, but I stick with it just because its almost over.. though at this rate I am only going to fail more classes, fall further behind. I feel like a fucking imbecile and a loser, and I know my family looks at me the same way.
I would have been better off never going, its been nothing but a waste of time and money. I havent made a single friend in college that i have been able to hold on to for more than a year, and at this point dont have any. Have not met a single girl in these 6 years who has been attracted in me, or who I have the courage to ask out. Ive accomplished nothing, learned nothing, and have no one to blame but myself. Even writing this rant makes me a worse person, there are plenty of people that have never had these opportunities that I have had and wasted. Im the most worthless person I know without exception. I wish I owned a gun or knew anything about them, because Im not scared to try and kill myself any other way. At least pulling a trigger wouldnt require much courage, but Ive never used a gun before and would probably fuck it up somehow.
I would have been better off never going, its been nothing but a waste of time and money. I havent made a single friend in college that i have been able to hold on to for more than a year, and at this point dont have any. Have not met a single girl in these 6 years who has been attracted in me, or who I have the courage to ask out. Ive accomplished nothing, learned nothing, and have no one to blame but myself. Even writing this rant makes me a worse person, there are plenty of people that have never had these opportunities that I have had and wasted. Im the most worthless person I know without exception. I wish I owned a gun or knew anything about them, because Im not scared to try and kill myself any other way. At least pulling a trigger wouldnt require much courage, but Ive never used a gun before and would probably fuck it up somehow.