Fucking useless.

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AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#1
I should have been able to fix my issues by now or at the very least handle them better. But I can't do either or. I've been saying that I want certain things to change for many years and have nothing to show for it. I don't want to die, at least not at this particular time, but I don't want to exist either because all I do is hurt people that I neither want nor mean to hurt. That doesn't even make sense because I have to either exist or die. Yet another thing that makes no sense to add on to the list I guess. I just wish I'd stop doing, feeling, thinking, and wanting the wrong things.
 
#3
I should have been able to fix my issues by now or at the very least handle them better. But I can't do either or. I've been saying that I want certain things to change for many years and have nothing to show for it. I don't want to die, at least not at this particular time, but I don't want to exist either because all I do is hurt people that I neither want nor mean to hurt. That doesn't even make sense because I have to either exist or die. Yet another thing that makes no sense to add on to the list I guess. I just wish I'd stop doing, feeling, thinking, and wanting the wrong things.
Dear Asphyxiate, I don’t know all there is to know but I do know you are being very hard on yourself. If life made sense it would be boring and repetitive. Sadly anxiety, depression whatever - gives us ups and downs and these occur not daily but sometimes over a nano second for no apparent reason or trigger. Words cannot say how glad I am that you dint want to die and to me this means that somewhere in your heart and mind there’s something worth living and fighting for. I run or walk my dogs when I get like this - as long as I’m sober recently !! - but the sheer exhaustion seems to make me feel lighter. I’m sending you daily hugs in the hope that your strength and self belief grows .... xx
 

gypsylee

SF Supporter
#5
I should have been able to fix my issues by now or at the very least handle them better. But I can't do either or. I've been saying that I want certain things to change for many years and have nothing to show for it. I don't want to die, at least not at this particular time, but I don't want to exist either because all I do is hurt people that I neither want nor mean to hurt. That doesn't even make sense because I have to either exist or die. Yet another thing that makes no sense to add on to the list I guess. I just wish I'd stop doing, feeling, thinking, and wanting the wrong things.
Well I’m glad you exist :cool: Don’t die, please.
 

Petal

SF dreamer
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
I should have been able to fix my issues by now or at the very least handle them better. But I can't do either or. I've been saying that I want certain things to change for many years and have nothing to show for it. I don't want to die, at least not at this particular time, but I don't want to exist either because all I do is hurt people that I neither want nor mean to hurt. That doesn't even make sense because I have to either exist or die. Yet another thing that makes no sense to add on to the list I guess. I just wish I'd stop doing, feeling, thinking, and wanting the wrong things.
Hi there, I am glad you are here and reaching out. Glad to hear you say you don't want to die. I am glad you are here and others are too, life can be a bitch at times, been to hell and back but you can get through this. :)
 

AsphyxiateOnWords

Pretty rhymes break angels.
#7
I can't keep making excuses for everything. I just have to suck it the fuck up and acknowledge that yes, I've hurt people and yes, I should have probably done a better job of dealing with my crap. And yet, I didn't, and there isn't shit I can do about that now. But I can still do something to prevent it in the future. And the more I wallow in self-pity and think about what I could've done better, the more it will hinder me from making any sort of progress in the future. And I can't have that anymore. Not now. So I'm stopping that cycle today. I've done a spectacular job of deluding myself that I'm weak because of the issues I have.

When I fuck up, I try to justify it to myself: "Well, it's expected because I have this, this, and this." But even so, I still end up feeling guilty. And that guilty feeling is healthy. It's my brain telling me, "You're doing something fucked up and you need to change it." But instead of taking that guilt and using it for the right reasons, I turn it into shame, and that's where the self-pity comes in until I'm at the point where I feel like such a fuck up that I truly end up believing I can't change shit and it's always going to be this way. So I'm done being ashamed, and done with the pity. I've fucked up...a lot. But that's not a good enough excuse to keep doing it. I can be better than that. And I have to be, especially now.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen
#8
I don't think you're useless and I doubt you hurt people all the time. It can be difficult when you have issues to deal with, but don't beat yourself up because of that. Just keep dealing with things as best you can. The fact that you want things to change is a step in the right direction. Keep working towards your goals, and don't let anything or anyone get you down. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to not exist yet not wanting to die. Sometimes you just want everything to stop. We're here for you, to support you through it all, and to lift you up and give you strength when you need it.
 

Sunspots

Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
I can't keep making excuses for everything. I just have to suck it the fuck up and acknowledge that yes, I've hurt people and yes, I should have probably done a better job of dealing with my crap. And yet, I didn't, and there isn't shit I can do about that now. But I can still do something to prevent it in the future. And the more I wallow in self-pity and think about what I could've done better, the more it will hinder me from making any sort of progress in the future. And I can't have that anymore. Not now. So I'm stopping that cycle today. I've done a spectacular job of deluding myself that I'm weak because of the issues I have.

When I fuck up, I try to justify it to myself: "Well, it's expected because I have this, this, and this." But even so, I still end up feeling guilty. And that guilty feeling is healthy. It's my brain telling me, "You're doing something fucked up and you need to change it." But instead of taking that guilt and using it for the right reasons, I turn it into shame, and that's where the self-pity comes in until I'm at the point where I feel like such a fuck up that I truly end up believing I can't change shit and it's always going to be this way. So I'm done being ashamed, and done with the pity. I've fucked up...a lot. But that's not a good enough excuse to keep doing it. I can be better than that. And I have to be, especially now.
THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT!!!

You're awesome!
 
#11
Show
I can't keep making excuses for everything. I just have to suck it the fuck up and acknowledge that yes, I've hurt people and yes, I should have probably done a better job of dealing with my crap. And yet, I didn't, and there isn't shit I can do about that now. But I can still do something to prevent it in the future. And the more I wallow in self-pity and think about what I could've done better, the more it will hinder me from making any sort of progress in the future. And I can't have that anymore. Not now. So I'm stopping that cycle today. I've done a spectacular job of deluding myself that I'm weak because of the issues I have.

When I fuck up, I try to justify it to myself: "Well, it's expected because I have this, this, and this." But even so, I still end up feeling guilty. And that guilty feeling is healthy. It's my brain telling me, "You're doing something fucked up and you need to change it." But instead of taking that guilt and using it for the right reasons, I turn it into shame, and that's where the self-pity comes in until I'm at the point where I feel like such a fuck up that I truly end up believing I can't change shit and it's always going to be this way. So I'm done being ashamed, and done with the pity. I've fucked up...a lot. But that's not a good enough excuse to keep doing it. I can be better than that. And I have to be, especially now.
Please show me someone who has never fucked up - we all have. We worked and responded to what we had at the time. You're awesome - make that your mantra please. You seriously are a special person xxx
 
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