Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by silent_chaos, Apr 26, 2016.
I'm just about done with everything. I say no and people won't respect it. I'm a fucken puppet.
Sorry people aren't respecting you. Do you want to share more of what is going on? Does opening up help you?
I really don't want open up any more. I sitting bebating weather to go to the hospital for a hold. My anxiety is so bad right now. Im sitting here looking at my bird who means the world, everything, my breath, my heart to me. And thinking of what would happen to her. And still contiplating suicide. I feel my heart heart is failing me right now Like a heart attack. I feel like in going to snap. Every phone call just keep pushing me more and more over the edge.
Maybe going to the hospital would be a good idea? Please stay safe!
I even talked to therapist about it. And she said to set boundaries and I did. I said to this pperson I can't be with her at her house day in and day out. And I can't be there when and her boyfriend fight. Unfortunately it gets violent sometimes. I told her it was giving me flash backs. We had a falling out a few months ago and she said lose her number don't ever call her again that I'm dead to the family. The whole story is on one of my other posts. But anyway she called me Like 4 days ago. And wanted to put it behind us and work it out. She didn't want her bf to know she called me, so she said call her back to make it seem like i called her. And said to apologize to him and say I'm sorry to him and make it better and she hands the phones to him. She said you know you know need me and I need you. Well they got into a fight and she wanted me to stand there by her side while she went to go talk to her bf cause she said he wouldn't hit her if I was there. But I've seen him hit her before not once but 3 times. I was on my way to her house cause I was giving in to the guilt she was putting on me. Not to let her down when she needs me like I did before. But what I did before was tell her I didn't want her illegal stuff at my house after her bf son got busted with a shit load of harion and money. So I said I didn't want to be there any more with that going down. She flipped out expecting the house to get raided we even stayed in a hotel for a couple of days. I still stayed and bit my tongue for a week after that. And that how I let her down last cuase I put my foot down. I'm afraid she will come to my house right now, cause she knows when I'm upset I get suicidal or do self harm. And use that as an excuse to say that's more reason to go to her place cause I need her, and she's all I got. But its not true. I have a lot of people in my life and none are toxic. Ever toxin person I've had in my life put together couldn't even add up x10 be like this. Well shit I was going to keep this short.
Your Bird needs you. What would happen to your bird if something happened to you? I too have a similar situation. My life is not easy but I have a Cat who is my world. His name is Mitch and just turned two. I would do anything to make my baby happy. I also made a promise that I would protect him, love him and never let harm happen to him. Your Bird needs you. Please be careful and stay safe. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here.
She just dosnt know its her that I'm upset about and not respecting my feelings and boundaries that clearly stated and she even said OK I understand her next sentence is OK so your coming up to the house right I kept saying its not fair to my bird to keep her covered all day and night she's my kid I've had her 16 years. I said not right now, and she says I need you to be here now. Just for a couple more days. I told her I've been there for 4 days and she said well you got to go home last night. I didn't leave her place till after 9. And I had an appointment at 8 in the morning. I wish I would have let that call go to voice mail. But I didn't realize it was her number cause I did delete it like she asked me to
May I private message you to get to know more?
Rubenh95 I don't mind